Women of all ages in relationships with men are fooling themselves! Over the past few weeks, many women in sexless marriages who otherwise report being in satisfactory relationships have presented to my clinical practice. That is OK. After all, it is a woman’s choice whether or not to be sexually active. What concerns me is that these women who are all in heterosexual relationships all say the same thing about their husband – that he is very patient. Patient? You must be joking (I think).
As a rule, men cannot go without intimate sexual relations when in a relationship unless they are having sex with someone else. That may sound drastic but believe me, the men in sexless marriages come to my clinical practice and tell me about their intimate experiences with other women from friends, to women seeking sex on-line, to prostitutes.
When a man orgasms, prolactin is released – a hormone that is linked to feelings of sexual satisfaction. Prolactin release is the main reason why men feel relaxed and may sleep after sex.
When men experience orgasm through masturbation, typically only half the amount of prolactin is released compared to when they experience orgasm during sex with another person. This means a less pleasurable experience and your man my not sleep as well and/or be as relaxed as he would be when you are having sex with him. Sound the alarm! That said, there are a number of common reasons women stop having sex aside from relational issues with their partners and include but are not limited to the following:
I had a fifty year old patient this week who had never experienced an orgasm with her life partner to whom she loved and was still attracted to. There are many treatments for the above conditions. For example, low sexual desire can be treated using mindfulness cognitive behavioural therapy, self stimulation, or using a vibrator.
For women who have never experienced orgasm, education is key and for the aforementioned patient I recommended the intensity vibrator. This is like a gymnasium for the pelvic floor. My patient had tried Psychosocial Educational Development, which works for many women, but it did not work for her unfortunately. She had also tried using a personal moisturizer, lubricants, and low dose localized estrogen to no avail. I had no doubt she could handle the intensity vibrator with a healthy vagina.
Women who experience vaginal dryness and ultimately painful sex often stop having sex because no one wants to do anything that is painful or uncomfortable. There are lubricants that can be used during sex (like Dr. U Aqua), personal moisturizers (like RepaGyn®) for longer term relief, and also various applications of low dose localized estrogen therapy.
Ladies, if you don’t think it's important to seek treatment when your relationship is good and you stop having sex, think again. Shutting the door on your sex life may have other consequences. So, face your situation, get the help you need, and get back to the bedroom!