1. Men want to be desired. So let him know you are physically attracted to him & compliment him when you can. Let him know you're proud of his accomplishments.

2. Men aren't afraid of honesty & they don't want to feel like they have to change who they are for you. You can't change him so don't even try.

2. Men are linear in their goals & objectives & have no appreciation for drama. Don't come at him broadside especially if it is irrelevant to him.

4. Wrap your arms around him, show a little PDA. Initiate.

Women are linear too & believe that sexual desire comes first. Take a page out of Nike's book, "Just do it!" If you enjoy it, it's called responsive desire. It's a bio-psycho-social model that resonates with today's busy woman.

5. Never let him believe your love is conditional. Remember, he likes his freedom. Don't undermine him or threaten his masculinity.

6. Be authentic & real. Don't fake anything especially the Big O! Let him help you to experience them!

7. Talk to him......in bed. Guide him. Men are totally turned on when a woman verbalizes what she wants, what feels good & when she feels pleasure. Be vulnerable in bed, open up & let go.

You can still be a boss but be yourself & he'll be his.

Women have been led to believe that sexual desire precedes sexual activity when in actual fact, arousal often precedes sexual desire especially in the longer term relationships which is anything longer than two years. Once women realize that this linear sexual response is not reliable, they can understand why things hadn't been working the way they thought they should.

That said, if your sex live needs a reboot, a little support may be required in getting the juices flowing, the arousal going. This begins with a little self exploration. It's important ladies to know yourself, explore your body and learn what feels good. According to research about 85% of women self-stimulate so next time you do, make sure you get naked first. This in and of itself is arousing. Touch yourself, feel the sensations, explore and learn what feels good.

In addition to feeling good, self-stimulation revitalizes body tissues and releases emotional tension. Masturbation may help you to increase your arousal to a higher level and experience orgasm and/or increase the pleasure or intensity of an orgasm. Pleasuring yourself is helpful if your partner is on a different sexual rhythm and not only meets your sexual needs, you will be able to communicate to your partner what feels good. Masturbation is healthy, normal and beneficial both physically and emotionally ladies. If you can't touch yourself, who can you touch?

Be comfortable in your own skin and strut your stuff! Naked, of course. The next time you make love with your partner, walk in the room naked. Well ok, naked with the exception of some hot pink pumps perhaps. I was in a store recently and a guy had picked up a size 7 hot pink strappy pump from the sale section to show to his girlfriend. The shoes were too small for her but fortunately were just my size! Know what you want ladies and go after it!

Consider, doing your household chores with nothing on and celebrate! Pay bills at your desk in the buff! Fantasize, it's fun! Conduct your business in your birthday suit! You might want to stop short of answering the door for the delivery man in the buff unless of course it's a fantasy fulfilled. Dream on ladies! It's arousing indeed!

Almost naked works too. You don't want to wear too much which is why a G-String may be perfect. G-string panties are naturally arousing as they gently press against your clitoris. The tighter the G-string, the more pressure applied. You get it.

In order to be comfortable in your skin and strut your stuff in pumps, obviously you must be comfortable with your body. This calls for my "Get Naked Diet." Make a commitment to cutting out sugar, alcohol, carbohydrates and process foods. The "Get Naked Diet" is a lifestyle change to health, clean eating; high protein, low carb, water, low glycemic fruits and vegetables.

Eating this way will increase your energy levels, improve your mood and help you to sleep better. Fatigue is the number one reason for low sexual desire and will no longer plague your sexual response. This Get Naked Plan may also reduce pain because of the elimination of the inflammatory agent sugar from your diet.

Exercise is important too as not only does it aid in flexibility, it increases serotonin levels, improving mood and overall wellness. You can sure exercise in the buff in the privacy of your own home which may increase arousal also! If you feel good, you can't help but look good. I'm not suggesting that only thin bodies are sexy, rather that women with confidence in their bodies are the sexiest bodies. Keep in mind, your physical, emotional and spiritual health are tied to your sex life.

So celebrate your body, get naked, touch yourself, fantasize and strut your stuff back to the bedroom ladies! You'll be glad you did. Oh and one more thing.....no marriage is perfect and you will have conflict, so remember settle all marital arguments in the bedroom.....NAKED!

Maureen McGrath is a women’s health expert and hosts the Sunday Night Sex Show on News Talk 980 CKNW. She is creator of the blog 50ShadesofPink.ca and has a clinical practice in North Vancouver, British Columbia. She is an expert in the Sexless Marriage. Her TEDx talk on the matter has received close to 5 million views in one year.

Vaginal Dryness? Painful Sex? Light Bladder Leakage? For information about vaginal rejuvenation, Mona Lisa Touch might be for you. Please visit Mona Lisa Touch

Brynn was confused. At the age of twenty-three, she was not prepared to go off the pill because she did not want to get pregnant while working on her Master’s Degree. She researched side effects of the birth control pill and stumbled upon the following article which outlined many birth control side effects including vaginal dryness and decrease in libido.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/290196.php

Brynn needed to solve this problem and quickly. She feared that her new boyfriend would get frustrated with her and since she previously had enjoyed sex, she was not ready to give it up. With her new found knowledge, she sought to address this issue immediately. She realized that she would need to make sex a priority. With her busy schedule, she could just put sex on the back burner, but she vowed not to do that. She wondered how much was the pill and how much was her busy schedule when it came to her low libido.

Next, she sought out to find something for her vaginal dryness. She thought that moisturizing her vaginal tissues made sense so she went on the hunt for a personal moisturizer. That is when she came upon RepaGyn. RepaGyn is a hormone-free moisturizer that helps to restore moisture to vaginal tissues. This made sense to her and so she tried RepaGyn. After two weeks of using RepaGyn daily she then started twice weekly insertions of this ovule made from hyaluronic acid and Vitamin E. She noticed after one month that her vaginal health was restored back to what it was like prior to when she was on the birth control pill.

After 2 months, she was feeling better “down there.” Brynn also noticed that her sexual desire had increased now that her vaginal health had improved.  Her combination treatment of RepaGyn and keeping sex as a priority in her relationship was just the ticket she needed to deal with the side effects she was experiencing with the pill. She was delighted that she could focus better now on her Master’s Degree and getting back to the bedroom with her boyfriend which was once again something she looked forward to after a long hard day.

To that end, few women realize the impact this may have on their vaginal and sexual health and how this will impact her libido or sexual desire. When a woman goes into early menopause, her estrogen receptors (which are the hormone regulators of vaginal health) decrease.  This means the pH of her vagina may be imbalanced (too alkaline) which places her at greater risk of infection.

In addition, because of the decrease in estrogen, she may experience vaginal dryness which can lead to painful intercourse and low sexual desire.  The result may be a negative impact on her relationship. But many people don’t realize the benefits of a great sex life. This is an area of health where the discussion may not arise.

It is important that women realize it is fine to continue an intimate relationship during or after cancer treatments. She defines that intimate relationship. She may decide to focus on cuddling or just spending quality time with her lover when she is feeling well.  She may want more, like petting and fondling.

For women who choose to continue with sexual intercourse, but are experiencing vaginal dryness and/or painful sex, personal moisturizers like RepaGyn, a hormone free ovule inserted into the vagina regularly, will not only ease the pain, but will increase personal moisture.

Speaking with a woman’s partner about these changes in physical condition is key.  In addition to RepaGyn, foreplay cannot be underestimated for its ability to increase a woman’s natural moisture. Lubricants, along with vaginal dilators, may help women to gently stretch their vagina prior to intercourse.  For women who have scars or body image concerns, lingerie may be just what the doctor ordered to increase sexual desire.

Sexual connection and intimacy is important at any time during a woman’s life, but especially when breast cancer strikes. So get backtothebedroom.ca with Repagyn and more!

So after much discussion and frustration on both parts, they decided together that perhaps they should open up the relationship. They made an AGREEMENT. Cara and John agreed that he was free to seek sex outside of their marriage as long as he lived by a few rules:

1. Cara did not want to know about it at all.
2. John was at all costs to practice safe sex.
3. They would only have sex if Cara initiated.

John agreed as he noticed that with a lack of sex in their relationship, he was becoming irritable and lonely. He needed to have sex. This arrangement was seemingly working for them until Cara noticed a provocative picture that a woman sent to John on his phone and as John states, "Cara blew a gasket." This prompted them to get some help for their sexless marriage.

When I see patients in my clinical practice, I always cover some background information prior to getting to the problem:

1. Are you sexually active?
2. Have you ever experienced sexual trauma or abuse as a child or an adult?
3. Are there any physical medical problems?
4. Is the patient/patients on any medication?
5. Is there a history of anxiety/depression or another psychiatric disorder?
6. Any previous treatments for your sexual issues?

In Cara’s case, she stated that she was experiencing some menopausal symptoms which she felt was what sent this whole venture to the dark side. Cara was experiencing night sweats, hot flashes, mood swings, irregular periods and vaginal dryness.  She said the last time she had had sex with John it was so painful, she could not bear it. She had never told John this detail, which is not uncommon.

According to the Clarifying Vaginal Atrophy's Impact on Sex and Relationships (CLOSER) survey: emotional and physical impact of vaginal discomfort on North American postmenopausal women and their partners revealed:

• Vaginal discomfort caused most surveyed North American women to avoid intimacy (58%)
• 64% experienced loss of libido due to vaginal dryness
• 64% of those with vaginal dryness experience painful sex 
• 78% of men surveyed believed that vaginal discomfort caused their partners to avoid intimacy and
• approximately 30% of North American women and men cited vaginal discomfort as the reason they ceased having sex altogether.

John was shocked as his wife sat there sobbing. She felt she had ruined her marriage and could not believe she had agreed to an open relationship.  She had deep regret. She had no idea that she would feel so badly knowing another woman wanted her man which can sometimes increase a woman's sexual desire.

Perhaps it was time to treat Cara’s vaginal dryness and menopausal symptoms with the use of a personal moisturizer such as RepaGyn, a hormone-free ovule that is inserted into the vagina once daily for 2-3 weeks, then every other day as maintenance or as directed by one's healthcare professional. It may also be time to end the “agreement” as it was clear this was not as easily handled by Cara, a woman whose moods were labile during her menopausal years.

This was a place to begin, I explained to both John and Cara. With a bit of help for her physical and emotional health, my work had only just begun to get John and Cara backtothebedroom .....with each other. Stay tuned.

She told me about her friend in Montreal who was very much in love with her husband of 20 years. She described her friend’s troubles as experiencing a sensation of vaginal “bristling” during intercourse. She said this was very painful for her and it had basically ended their sex life. She also told me that her friend sought help but the doctors she saw did not know what to do. I suggested that her friend email me or visit my website and/or blog to read about this very common women’s health issue.

Lara, a forty something friend told me she was taking hormones from the inside out!  Not only was she using systemic estrogen for her hot flashes, night sweats and shoulder pain, she was also using a low dose localized estrogen tablet for her vaginal atrophy.

And finally, as I was bidding my farewell, the hostess told me that she was a very sexual woman but was suddenly (pretty well overnight) finding sex to be painful which has led to low sexual desire. She described her discomfort as feeling like sandpaper.

I explained that vaginal dryness, the hallmark symptom of vaginal atrophy, happens when estrogen decreases in the vagina.  There are many treatment and management options available such as:

• Coconut oil preparations like JoyGel
• Tea tree creams like DrUAqua
• Gels like Gynatrof®,
• Personal mositurizers (ovule) with tissue healing properties like RepaGyn®
• And some women need low dose localized estrogen in the form of a tablet, ring or cream

After explaining the options, I told her that I would drop off some samples in her mailbox so that she could choose what was right for her. She was delighted and said it would be the best gift ever if she could go back to being the sexual woman she always was and get back to the bedroom once again!

I had a couple in their thirties who presented with a multitude of relationship troubles, mainly desire discrepancy.  He wanted it more (what a shocker!). He was a regular listener to the show and had heard me speak about the importance of sex in a marriage. June and Cameron had three school age boys under the age of ten and both were working outside of the home.  The lion’s share of the work was left up to June who did all of the cooking, cleaning and after school pickups and driving.

Cameron felt that June catered to the boys and spoiled them by doing everything for them. June, on the other hand, felt that Cameron was too tough on the boys and had unreasonable expectations of them. June felt she was having to defend the boys behavior to her husband and this created an unhealthy dance. This couple did not have a lock on their bedroom door and June confessed she was nervous that the boys might walk in on them when they were having sex and felt very uncomfortable.

June was experiencing vaginal dryness and said that the last time they had sex it was very painful - she said it felt scratchy like sandpaper.  She thought she was too young, at age 39, to be experiencing this. I assured her that although vaginal dryness is common for menopausal women, it may begin as early as age 31 for some women.

Help is on the Way!

There were several steps necessary to help this couple. First and foremost, a lock on the bedroom door was mandatory (I suggested their first stop on the way home should be the hardware store). My feeling is that if a mother is working full-time outside of the home, then she cannot possibly work full-time in the home. To that end, hiring a housekeeper to help with bathrooms, kitchen, laundry, and vacuuming is a must (if affordable).

I explained the various treatment options available to June to help her manage and treat the vaginal dryness she was experiencing. The onset of vaginal dryness could be associated with the oral contraceptive pill (which June was taking), breastfeeding, post-partum, peri-menopause and menopause, post chemotherapy or hormone therapy treatment, to name the most common. Learn more about the treatment options here >

Above all, June and Cameron need to be on the same page in raising their sons. The 'standing together on a united front' is key to successful parenting. Cameron then said, “I have been trying to get her to listen to your show on Sunday Nights.”  June said, “He chases me around the kitchen with headphones and I am trying to do the dishes, put the kids to bed, and get ready for the week.” I said to June, “You are not too keen on me, right?” We all laughed. I learned that I need to take into consideration the busy lives people are leading today, especially working moms.

So, with this advice and someone in your corner giving permission to hire outside help, you will likely want to get back to the bedroom, ladies!

I ask all patients if they are sexually active and if they are enjoying a great sex life with each other, then more power to them. Delving deeper, I inquire about their experience with orgasms by asking these questions:

• Do you experience orgasms?
• If so, do you experience orgasms easily?
• Are your orgasms experienced exclusively with solo sex or do you experience them with a partner?

Women are usually very happy to discuss intimate issues with someone who understands them as a health issue. Low libido is a measure of how well people feel about their physical, emotional, hormonal and relational health.

There are many contributing factors to low libido including advancing age, vaginal health issues like dryness, atrophy and/or laxity. Lifestyle, stressors, body image, loss, financial problems, depression, medication and relationship issues may also contribute.

These are complex issues because they involve a woman’s hormones, head and heart.  It is important to get to the bottom of these issues. Speaking to your health care provider about low libido accompanied by a low mood or depression is important.

Estrogen is the hormone regulator of the vagina. When the estrogen levels drop in the vagina during perimenopause, it may cause dryness and this may lead to painful sex. Click here to learn about treatment options for vaginal dryness. Left untreated, vaginal dryness may progress to a condition that affects 50% of postmenopausal women, which is vaginal atrophy.

Vaginal laxity, otherwise known as decreased vaginal tightness, may lead to a decrease in sexual sensitivity after childbirth. More than stretch marks or weight gain, vaginal laxity is the number one concern, women have about their physical changes after delivery.

So you can see, head, heart and hormone levels are inter-related. In Lulu’s case, her low mood prevented her from exercising. As it turned out, her vaginal dryness and laxity led to low libido. She was drinking 3-4 alcoholic drinks daily, not only a depressant but a libido leveler too.

Eliminating alcohol, exercise and dealing with her vaginal dryness (she used RepaGyn®) was great place to start. After about one month of her new lifestyle, she started feeling better. Her hot flashes reduced and she was sleeping better.

The next step was to begin a dialogue with her husband about their issues and perhaps seek counselling. I also encouraged her to see her family physician who could manage her low mood and vaginal laxity issues. Sexual health, heart and hormonal problems may wreak havoc on a woman’s life and relationship, but there are many options for treatment. Lulu is off to a great start in getting back to the bedroom.

Now that sex between older women and younger men is no longer the taboo it once was (older men and younger women has never been taboo), sex can be that much better because sexual desire increases, generally because younger men pay attention to what they look like and this is appealing to women. Also, older women and younger men no longer get all worked up about who is paying so they can get all worked up where it counts (back to the bedroom).

Sexual health education is becoming more and more mainstream and women understand the importance of vaginal health. Many older women stop having sex because of vaginal dryness, which may lead to painful sex. I have many 50-something newly single female patients who present to my clinic who want something for their vaginal dryness because they have a desire to re-enter the dating world. During perimenopause and after menopause women may experience vaginal dryness associated with a decrease in estrogen receptors in the vaginal tissues. Using a personal moisturizer, like RepaGyn®, will not only help to make a women feel better, her vaginal tissues will heal because of the natural ingredients and she will be able to enjoy more pleasurable sex!

Sex may be a lot more fun after the age of 50 for many women. Given the hormonal challenges women face as they age, they may need a little extra assistance in experiencing orgasm. Bring on the tickle trunk! A woman is never too old to play with sex toys and often after the age of 50 has the sexual self-esteem and confidence to do so.

To tie things up, when a woman over 50 feels that her vaginal health is more youthful (such as after using a moisturizer like RepaGyn® with healing properties), there is no reason she cannot grab herself a younger man, a couple of sex toys and go have a great time getting back to the bedroom.

Given the variety of personal moisturizers available, it is so important that a woman chooses the right product for the right reasons. Knowing the ingredients of a personal moisturizer and how it works is one important aspect of optimizing treatment.

Whenever any treatment is not working, I recommend patients speak to their doctor about discontinuing use and/or switching to another option. In this case, both personal moisturizers that Meredith was inquiring about (Replens® and RepaGyn®) are over the counter, so Meredith is free to choose another personal moisturizer as neither requires a doctor’s prescription.

One of the key benefits of RepaGyn® (apart from being hormone free and providing long-lasting moisturization) is that it has the additional benefit of helping to promote healing of the vaginal mucosa (tissue). If the vaginal mucosa does not heal then Meredith may continue to experience vaginal dryness as she was while using Replens® which just provides the moisturization aspect. Healing the vaginal tissues is rather important because dry tissues can tear and bleed, something many women do not realize is happening.

My Recommendation for Meredith

I suggested that Meredith use a personal lubricant during intercourse, and I also recommended that she switch . Meredith took my advice and started using RepaGyn® for her vaginal dryness. Within two weeks, she noticed a difference in the degree of her vaginal pain with intercourse – she found it helpful to use a personal lubricant, as I had recommended, helping reduce friction to decrease sexual pain. By the end of two months, Meredith no longer required the use of a personal lubricant as her sex was as she said, “Pain-free once again thanks to RepaGyn®,” which she used (as directed) vaginally once daily at bedtime.

Final Thoughts

I took the opportunity to educate Meredith that if her vaginal dryness progressed to other symptoms such as post-coital bleeding, burning, itching, recurrent urinary tract infection, thin watery discharge and/or leakage of urine, she may require treatment with a low dose localized estrogen therapy. But for now, continuing with RepaGyn® was just what the “nurse” ordered to keep her going back to the bedroom.