He couldn't resist the temptation to cheat five times in three months. Hardly an affair. She'd asked him how he was. He succumbed. That's all it took for this God-fearing man.

They'd watched my TEDx talk on the No Sex Marriage: Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame. She wanted me to be an expert witness in his divorce trial.

He admitted to the indiscretion. Regardless, the division of assets lay in the hands of twelve southern jurors, not one with a high school diploma.

The deposition read like War and Peace, sans peace. 1000 pages, the cheating paled by comparison to the lesbian liaisons, limousine lovers, parental alienation, drinking, hateful women and murder.

Cheating is the ultimate betrayal but so is imposing fidelity in a sexless marriage.

In late winter, I flew to Georgia.

We met for dinner, the lawyer, her client and me. His lawyer wasn't sure if the best strategy was to bring attention to his indiscretion. The jury was impatient. This trial had been going on for weeks.

His ex-wife subpoenaed sixty friends. Besides, the lawyer felt the jury empathized with him.

A recess for Christmas. The trial played out into the New Year.

The assets were divided unfairly……in his estimation. His legal bill was $300,000.

Betrayal all around. He believed she never loved him. He didn't want the marriage to end.

The real sadness is that this couple never had the right help. Sexless marriage is a thing. There is help.

Maureen McGrath hosts the Sunday Night Health Show on CKNW, CHQR, CHED and CJOB. She is a registered nurse , executive director of the Women’s Health Initiative Network, and in clinical practice in North Vancouver. She also does telehealth consults for people and couples all around the world. A TEDx speaker, she is author of Sex & Health: Why One Can’t Come Without the Other. Her radio show is a free download on iTunes. Sextalk

Her website is: Back To The Bedroom

To book an appointment email Maureen at: [email protected]

When sex diminishes or disappears in a marriage, masturbating to the ever-present on-line pornography rises indeed. A 1992 study found that 29 percent of men masturbated at least once a week. In 2014, 49 percent of men confessed to masturbating at least once in the previous six days.

We need to look further into this upward trend of a rising problem in marriage today. Trends in my clinical practice happen too (like the time where one stay-at-home mom after another paraded in to confess their extra-marital affairs). Recently I've noticed an escalation of a different persuasion; the number of married men coming alone to my clinical practice to talk about their troubled marriages.

There's often a disconnect, a desire discrepancy. The wives in these unhappy marriages are on the hunt for marital mattresses that come with a fence down the middle, a trap door or a wall. We know how well walls work. Hello Mr. Trump. No one gets in. The men are on the hunt to seek happiness and pleasure. Hence, he comes alone to therapy to discuss his marital mess. And many of these marriages are a mess.

This is the opposite of what one would expect. Women are the ones who typically seek health care for the family. However, sexuality is not perceived as health or care. But I beg to differ. Emotional, physical, relational and sexual health are all so important in the welfare of an individual, couple or family. Love one another is often my best advice.

The unhappily married men who present to my clinical practice are ready to blow their heads off (pardon the pun). They are confused, frustrated and worried. They have children, mortgages and in-laws. They want the best for their children and worry about the opinions of their parents. These men are one half of those "perfect couples" who work long hours, live on tree-lined streets, belong to the best country clubs and engage in community activities. Yet they feel alone. Unless of course, they're not. Read on.

Many of these men have dealt with their marital unhappiness and often non-existent or dissatisfying sex lives by drinking, drugging or dancing with danger. Yes, they've sought solace in the arms of a welcoming woman who "gets them." Sounds great, guys right? Only until these women put pressure on them to leave their wives, families, country clubs and friends, haunted by the tick tock of their biological clock. Another baby? That's often the wake up call they needed to deal with the mess in their marital bed.

The wives refuse to come....to seek help that is. Maybe it is because more women are masturbating than ever before. A 1992 study found that 9 percent of women masturbated at least once a week. In 2014, 32 percent of women confessed to masturbating at least once in the previous six days. With rates like that, who needs a man? It's like a mismatched mattress and only you know that imperfection lies beneath the sheets.

"What will a therapist say that my mother won't," is the battle cry of many miserably married women. Ahem. A lot. A mother-in-law has no business in between the sheets. So the husbands come alone. (pun intended). These men want to save their marriages or at least try. And it's hard for them.

Men are often not taught about feelings. Feelings are for fairies. Man up. Don't cry. You the man. But they're so often not the man. Raised as protector and provider, they rapidly lose any sense of healthy power when the pants are worn and never taken off by their respective wives. These men are in pain. Their dreams have become nightmares. Hence their despair after years of problems percolating inside.

There is value in men coming by themselves. To my clinical practice, that is. They learn they're not actually alone. These issues are common. Plus aside from the release coming alone provides, it may be the first time they can share their story, thoughts, ideas and feelings in a safe, private and confidential place. They also learn that they cannot blame their troubles exclusively on their wives. They learn the role they play in their acrimonious marriages.

Therapy is a gift you give to yourself. When we share our feelings, we release the pain. Yes, I've seen real men cry. And crying is cathartic. And's it's ok. Men begin to heal. So he comes back to my clinical practice and often the marriage. Oh sure, it's fine that men come alone but I stand firm, it's always better when couples come together.

Maureen McGrath is a sexpert, women's health expert and hosts the CKNW Sunday Night Sex Show . Maureen's TEDx Talk on No Sex Marriage: Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame has had close to 6 million views in one year. Sexless marriage is a thing. Maureen is the creator of the blog 50ShadesofPink.ca and has a clinical practice in North Vancouver, British Columbia where she helps many couples in sexless marriages. Maureen is also available for SKYPE consults. Contact her at her website: Back To The Bedroom For more information about Mona Lisa Touch a new novel hormone-free therapy for vaginal dryness, painful sex, low sexual desire and urinary incontinence visit Mona Lisa Touch.

Are you headed to a Sexless Marriage? Take the Quiz Sexless Marriage Quiz

Married men may experience frustration at repeated rejection because they initiate sex more often than women do but women may be even more devastated at male rejection believing there is something unattractive or undesirable about them to their partner. Men just think women hate sex. But that's another blog post.

Once couples marry, it seems that sex priorities change dramatically. Couples settle in like they would an old comfy couch. Appearances of a perfect union to the neighbours, friends and/or relatives may be more important than a bond in the bedroom.

With kids comes fatigue, smaller space, stress or a move to the suburbs and the need for a new vehicle. You will never have sex in a minivan so don't even think about it. Time, desire, finances, conflict resolution strategies, in-laws and jobs replace the passion of yesteryear (as long as you didn't marry your best friend or answer the call of your ticking biological clock which means sex was doomed from the start).

So if your wife seemingly hates sex unless she wants something (shoes, a new car or a baby) or if your husband is covertly arranging threesomes with women he's never met (a sure sign of the sexually deprived husband), or if your husband prefers sleep to seduction, your wife is too tired for sex but not shopping, you may be a victim of married sex. And here are the signals:

1. If you do this……I will have sex with you sex….This is sex that is typically associated with an unfinished home project, a hedge trim, the promise of a household chore or simply putting down the toilet seat. (women's standards are pretty low)
2. Shower Sex: The water is hot and the sex isn't. It's awkward, done only to save time.
3. Hurry up sex: The kids are awake, home, listening, going to walk in etc sex. Inevitably she hears someone at the door whether they are there or not. She will check and ruin the moment.
4. Did you did you did you.....? sex. This is transformational sex which goes from in the early days of dating, was that good for you baby? To did you, did you, did you......finish? What's wrong with you? We've been at this for a minute and a half. The hard truth is a soft reality.
5. Morning sex: I am in mourning over the loss of my sex life.
6. Sex anytime anywhere sex: You: Honey, I'm breastfeeding, have a fever, abdominal pain, diarrhea, a runny nose and am bleeding from every orifice. Him: Can we have sex?
7. Tech Sex: No this isn't about vibrators, but about watching tv or checking your iPhone during sex.
8. I want another baby sex. Yes! Yes! Yes! The sex life is reignited. Because most men’s brains are below the belt they are more than happy to oblige because pregnancy is the last thing they think will result from unprotected sex when a woman is ovulating. Our brains are hard-wired for instant gratification. So is his.
9. Why can’t we just cuddle sex? This needs no further description.
10. I wanted to but you were sleeping sex: You didn’t come upstairs fast enough and I fell asleep. Or I just had so much to do downstairs and by the time I came up (the next day), you were asleep.
11. Lights out sex- especially after children, with weight gain, peri-menopause, menopause
12. I just bought 6 pairs of Jimmy Choos sex. Cowboy, take me away!

Both men and women in same sex marriages or heterosexual unions who are deprived of sex from their spouse, experience sadness, loneliness and are at increased risk of hypertension and early death.

The signals above are foreplay to a marital fiasco. Sex in marriage does ebb and flow because marriage is under the constant influence of sex, money and in-laws. Technology too may extinguish the spark. Blue light emission interrupts your sleep and you are more likely to fight the next day. Libido plummets due to resultant tech fatigue. This may be an addiction and every bit as lethal as an addiction to alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, food or shopping.

Communication is key. Keep having the talk. The. Sex. Talk. And it's actually women who report more boredom in the bedroom. Talking about sex is arousing. Why do you think sexting is so popular? Keep in mind, a lack of sex in a marriage is the number one reason for divorce.

So if you're having more quickies than coital extravaganzas, more rejection than reconnection, she prefers long johns to lingerie or if long john is rather lonely, it may be time to massage the marriage and get Back To The Bedroom. Making sex a priority in your marriage is good for intimacy, health and your relationship. Yes, take a page out of Nike's book and "Just Do it!" But just do it well.

Maureen McGrath is a sexpert, women's health expert and hosts the CKNW Sunday Night Sex Show . Maureen's TEDx Talk on No Sex Marriage: Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame has had close to 6 million views in one year. Sexless marriage is a thing. Maureen is the creator of the blog 50ShadesofPink.ca and has a clinical practice in North Vancouver, British Columbia where she helps many couples in sexless marriages. Maureen is also available for SKYPE consults. Contact her at her website: Back To The Bedroom For more information about Mona Lisa Touch a new novel hormone-free therapy for vaginal dryness, painful sex, low sexual desire and urinary incontinence visit Mona Lisa Touch.

Are you headed to a Sexless Marriage? Take the Quiz Sexless Marriage Quiz

Young married couples are busier than ever, working long hours to get ahead and service astronomical debt. Add children to the mix and the pressures drastically increase leading to stress, sleep deprivation and exhaustion. The mounting pressures of raising children where family may be far away include everything from perfect party planning to play dates to early lineups ensuring junior a position at a prestigious preschool.

Sex starved marriages are certainly not limited to the young. Couples of all ages may find themselves in a union that meets infrequently beneath the sheets. The novelty of a new relationship means the frequency of sex may be quite high but as the couple settles into life and routines, the sex can become, well, let’s say a little..…hum drum. The old "you again" scenario. In fact, being in a long-term relationship may lead to boredom in the bedroom, another common reason for infrequent sex amongst many couples. And women report more boredom than their male counterparts according to research.

Sexless marriages don’t happen overnight and stem from a variety of reasons. Surprisingly, the love may be there for the sex starved couple, but the flame has flickered and the light has all but gone out. Low sexual desire, more common in women than men, is a notorious reason for a less than lacklustre love life. And the number one reason for low sexual desire? Fatigue.

Sally, a mother of three and the principal breadwinner of the family, says that day after day of dealing with her three children, her high stress job as a marketing director and mounting financial debt associated with a house move just before her husband lost his job leaves her exhausted at the end of each day, and the last thing on her mind is sex. "It has been more than a year since she's had sex with her husband," she bemoans but claims not to be as bothered as her husband. Lack of sex in a relationship is dangerous and is a leading cause of infidelity and breakups.

Medical conditions like depression or anxiety account for a number of sex-starved marriages. Vaginal dryness is another common cause easily treated by personal moisturizers like Gynatrof, a hormone-free over the counter all natural product. Anger, irritability or a general negative outlook may, in fact mask depression. Jealousy, resentment and loss of self-esteem have an impact on what goes on, or not, in the bedroom as well.

Realizing the importance of intimacy in a relationship is the first step in healing a sexless marriage. The benefits of sex include the release of endorphins, the “feel good hormone”, which may aid sleep, reduce pain and improve mood. So before you head out to buy twin beds, try to heal your sexual woes by understanding the root cause of your problem. If finances are the issue, downsize, set a budget or live within your means. Successfully tackling any problem together promotes intimacy, which may increase sexual desire.

Make your bedroom your oasis, a sanctuary for sex. Choose a long wet kiss over an obligatory peck. Try morning sex after a good nights' sleep. Cortisol levels are highest in the morning, so you will have more energy to do it. Experiment. Try tantric sex, the ancient Hindu practice, a slow form of meditative sex that not only bonds but also creates a mind-body connection that leads to more powerful orgasms.

Couples need to make their relationship a priority in their lives. If that means scheduling sex, then get out your iPhone and add it to your calendar. But for heaven’s sake, don’t bring it back into the bedroom.

Maureen McGrath hosts the Sunday Night Sex Show on News Talk 980 CKNW. Her TEDx talk on the Sexless Marriage has had over 2.2 million views. She is in private practice in North Vancouver, BC. She is author of the book: Sex & Health:Why One Can't Come Without The Other. She is Executive Director of the Women's Health Initiative Network.

In the early years, sex had been fun, playful and exploratory for John and Betsy. They'd engaged in light BDSM, including tying each other up, spanking and role playing. She played the nurse, he a police officer, a departure from their professions as an architect and an accountant respectively.

Sex began to fall off once the children came along. John was tired of Betsy always being tired and Betsy was not as attracted to John as he had gained weight around his midsection. Indubitably, three children and a busy career is enough to send anybody napping. It’s also not atypical to lose sexual desire for someone who has lost interest in taking care of himself.

Additionally, Betsy told me she was experiencing vaginal dryness due to the oral contraceptive pill. The vaginal dryness and the birth control pill further compounded her dwindling desire as low sexual desire is a common side effect.

I’m straight up with couples and explained that each person in a couple is responsible for taking care of themselves and neither vaginal dryness nor excess weight is an exception. That said, it’s not always easy to be around someone who complains of fatigue all the time.

John realized he needed to lose weight. Betsy knew self-care was vital. I recommended Gynatrof, a natural non-hormonal personal moisturizer available without a prescription for her vaginal dryness.

This couple needed to get back to the bedroom to re-ignite Betsy’s “responsive desire,” whereby she doesn't necessarily desire sex but is receptive to it even though she has initiated it. Given her fatigue, I suggested they try the “relaxing” sex position. She lies on her back with her knees up over John while he lays on his side perpendicular to her and penetrates her as he caresses her.

A new perspective would be necessary once Betsy's fatigue resolved after a little self-care. I suggested the “New Perspectives Sex Position” where John stands feet apart over Betsy, caressing her breasts while she is on her knees on the floor in front of him, putting her hands on the ground behind her, lifting her head and shoulders off the ground, head tilted back positioned for oral sex.

My recommendations encompassed a range of this couple's needs from medical to physical, emotional to sexual. Intimacy, which takes some effort, in a marriage is key to the health of the relationship as sex is the tie that binds.

Maureen McGrath RN is the host of the Sunday Night Sex Show on News Talk 980 CKNW and is an expert on the Sexless Marriage. Her TEDx talk has had over 2 million views. She is Executive Director of the Women’s Health Initiative Network, a national not for profit organization to raise awareness about women’s health.