Dating is difficult at any age but especially as one advances in age and has a whole lot of baggage attached like kids who couldn’t imagine you replacing their mother. Or, grandchildren who view a new friend or lover a potential to their long-awaited inheritance. Or wrinkles.

But you never realized just how lonely being on your own could be. And loneliness is bad for your health. Loneliness and social isolation are risk factors for coronary heart disease and stroke. Loneliness does not necessarily mean being alone, rather it means the distressing feelings that are associated with discrepancies between desired and actual social relationships. In other words, meeting someone new is good for your health.

Meeting someone new is certainly better than finding partnership in a bottle or some other vice that may temporarily soothe your sorrows. But you’re probably asking yourself how to go about getting back to dating. How does one go about meeting someone in the golden years? The concept of dating began at the turn of the 20th century and has changed along with the times.

That said, dating at any age is fun and exciting and yes perhaps even a bit disappointing. Chances are you had a happy marriage which is a sure sign that you will end up in a new relationship and perhaps even sooner than you think. This is counterintuitive because most people would think the opposite is true. But think about it, if you were miserable in your marriage, why would you want to do that again? But if it was associated with happiness, you’ll certainly seek that again.

By now you’re probably wondering where and how to begin. Well, some things never grow old and that is the concept that having a friend fix you up with someone they know is a great first step. Let your friends know you’re looking. Also attend those events at the golf club or in the retirement community. Life is to be enjoyed, not endured especially after the loss of a loved one.

On-line dating is another option. It is the way of the world....the dating world anyway. And seniors are getting on the bandwagon. Seniors are one of the fastest demographics turning to technology," says Jennifer Cairns, co-founder of eGurus a technology tutoring company for people over 55. You will want to do some research here and definitely read the fine print before signing up.

If you’re young at heart, check out some of the more popular on-line dating sites like Plenty of Fish, Match.com and EHarmony. Most on-line dating sites are now catering to the golden girls and boys. If you act more like your age, try some on-line dating websites for seniors specifically such as Senior Match, Senior Friend Finder and Senior People Meet.

There are a few rules of the on-line dating road. First you will want to create a separate email account specifically for your on-line dating. This helps to maintain your privacy and you won’t risk sending an email to your daughter-in-law by accident.

Once you've chosen the site you wish to sign up for, you’ll be asked to create an on-line profile. This is where honesty is the best policy, but not too much. Be yourself, be real but don’t give away too much personal information. You don’t want people to know where you live.

Next up is the profile picture. It is well known that profiles with photos get more action. Keeping in line with honesty, take a new photo so your picture will be current. You want to be recognizable. But also, you want to make sure that the photo has never been used on-line before so a person isn’t able to match your picture to a google search and find out where you live. It is recommended that you take an action photo, so perhaps one where you’re playing tennis or hiking.

If you do decide to meet up with someone you’ve met on-line, make sure you meet them in a public place. Recently, I had a sixty-year old woman in my office who met someone on-line and she thought the proper thing to do would be to have him pick her up at her house. This is old-fashioned, times have changed I said. Not to mention, many women are at risk for sexual assault, violent crime and fraud.

You’ll be surprised at how connected you can feel to someone you’ve never met especially if they’ve said all the right things “on-line.” Some people fall easily and hard. Many women have sent their life savings over the internet only to learn the person was a fraud. It is ALWAYS a RED FLAG when someone asks you for money on-line. If someone asks you for money on-line, say no and immediately notify the police. They’ve likely victimized many others on-line.

Be open to whomever you meet on line. Don't discount them because of their age, height, weight or status in life. Before you go, be sure you tell someone you know where you’ll be going and with whom. Arrange to have a friend text or call you 15 minutes into the in-person date, just in case you need an out. Here's a hot tip. You can always spill your coffee on yourself, run to get napkins and never return.

On-line dating can be fun but remember there are risks and they need to be taken seriously. Sadly, there are predators on line. Many women especially are at risk for sexual assault, violent crimes and fraud.

The Vancouver police has seen an uptake in the number of reported crimes and has set up a website called Catch You to offer tips on staying safe on-line. Have fun, be yourself and stay safe.

This is a repost from the Langley Times online special publication. Maureen McGrath is a sexpert, women's health expert and hosts the CKNW Sunday Night Sex Show . Maureen's TEDx Talk on No Sex Marriage: Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame has 6.4 million views. Sexless marriage is a thing as is online dating. Maureen has a clinical practice in North Vancouver, British Columbia where she helps many couples in sexless marriages. Maureen is also available for Digital consults. Contact her at her website: Back To The BedroomBack To The Bedroom For more information about Mona Lisa Touch a new novel hormone-free therapy for vaginal dryness, painful sex, low sexual desire and urinary incontinence visit .

Married men may experience frustration at repeated rejection because they initiate sex more often than women do but women may be even more devastated at male rejection believing there is something unattractive or undesirable about them to their partner. Men just think women hate sex. But that's another blog post.

Once couples marry, it seems that sex priorities change dramatically. Couples settle in like they would an old comfy couch. Appearances of a perfect union to the neighbours, friends and/or relatives may be more important than a bond in the bedroom.

With kids comes fatigue, smaller space, stress or a move to the suburbs and the need for a new vehicle. You will never have sex in a minivan so don't even think about it. Time, desire, finances, conflict resolution strategies, in-laws and jobs replace the passion of yesteryear (as long as you didn't marry your best friend or answer the call of your ticking biological clock which means sex was doomed from the start).

So if your wife seemingly hates sex unless she wants something (shoes, a new car or a baby) or if your husband is covertly arranging threesomes with women he's never met (a sure sign of the sexually deprived husband), or if your husband prefers sleep to seduction, your wife is too tired for sex but not shopping, you may be a victim of married sex. And here are the signals:

1. If you do this……I will have sex with you sex….This is sex that is typically associated with an unfinished home project, a hedge trim, the promise of a household chore or simply putting down the toilet seat. (women's standards are pretty low)
2. Shower Sex: The water is hot and the sex isn't. It's awkward, done only to save time.
3. Hurry up sex: The kids are awake, home, listening, going to walk in etc sex. Inevitably she hears someone at the door whether they are there or not. She will check and ruin the moment.
4. Did you did you did you.....? sex. This is transformational sex which goes from in the early days of dating, was that good for you baby? To did you, did you, did you......finish? What's wrong with you? We've been at this for a minute and a half. The hard truth is a soft reality.
5. Morning sex: I am in mourning over the loss of my sex life.
6. Sex anytime anywhere sex: You: Honey, I'm breastfeeding, have a fever, abdominal pain, diarrhea, a runny nose and am bleeding from every orifice. Him: Can we have sex?
7. Tech Sex: No this isn't about vibrators, but about watching tv or checking your iPhone during sex.
8. I want another baby sex. Yes! Yes! Yes! The sex life is reignited. Because most men’s brains are below the belt they are more than happy to oblige because pregnancy is the last thing they think will result from unprotected sex when a woman is ovulating. Our brains are hard-wired for instant gratification. So is his.
9. Why can’t we just cuddle sex? This needs no further description.
10. I wanted to but you were sleeping sex: You didn’t come upstairs fast enough and I fell asleep. Or I just had so much to do downstairs and by the time I came up (the next day), you were asleep.
11. Lights out sex- especially after children, with weight gain, peri-menopause, menopause
12. I just bought 6 pairs of Jimmy Choos sex. Cowboy, take me away!

Both men and women in same sex marriages or heterosexual unions who are deprived of sex from their spouse, experience sadness, loneliness and are at increased risk of hypertension and early death.

The signals above are foreplay to a marital fiasco. Sex in marriage does ebb and flow because marriage is under the constant influence of sex, money and in-laws. Technology too may extinguish the spark. Blue light emission interrupts your sleep and you are more likely to fight the next day. Libido plummets due to resultant tech fatigue. This may be an addiction and every bit as lethal as an addiction to alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, food or shopping.

Communication is key. Keep having the talk. The. Sex. Talk. And it's actually women who report more boredom in the bedroom. Talking about sex is arousing. Why do you think sexting is so popular? Keep in mind, a lack of sex in a marriage is the number one reason for divorce.

So if you're having more quickies than coital extravaganzas, more rejection than reconnection, she prefers long johns to lingerie or if long john is rather lonely, it may be time to massage the marriage and get Back To The Bedroom. Making sex a priority in your marriage is good for intimacy, health and your relationship. Yes, take a page out of Nike's book and "Just Do it!" But just do it well.

Maureen McGrath is a sexpert, women's health expert and hosts the CKNW Sunday Night Sex Show . Maureen's TEDx Talk on No Sex Marriage: Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame has had close to 6 million views in one year. Sexless marriage is a thing. Maureen is the creator of the blog 50ShadesofPink.ca and has a clinical practice in North Vancouver, British Columbia where she helps many couples in sexless marriages. Maureen is also available for SKYPE consults. Contact her at her website: Back To The Bedroom For more information about Mona Lisa Touch a new novel hormone-free therapy for vaginal dryness, painful sex, low sexual desire and urinary incontinence visit Mona Lisa Touch.

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Betty was not referring to the traditional flower garden but rather her own personal garden. She was not nervous in the least when she proclaimed, “My flower must bloom once again as there is a new man in my life.” Needless to say, I (the sexpert) was delighted to hear her news! The problem was, however, that her patch (vagina) was dry and her doctor had prescribed a localized vaginal estrogen cream that contained horse urine and she emphatically stated this was not something she felt comfortable using so her flower garden would bloom once again.

She wondered if there was something more natural, something she could perhaps find in her kitchen that would moisten the petals and lubricate the libernum. She had heard that I was a bit of a “vagina whisperer” and was really hoping I could help.

We discussed some of the food items many women use and find helpful in the short term such as olive oil and/or the widely popular coconut oil. But I pointed out that these are oils which may impact a condom’s integrity, important given the sharp rise in sexually transmitted infections in the over-50 crowd. Also, there is no scientific evidence to support the effectiveness of these options. That said, many women use them and are helped by them and that is what counts.

My concern about coconut oil is the risk of yeast infections given the high sugar content. Also they may not work for women who have the condition known as vaginal atrophy, where the estrogen has decreased in the urogenital tract affecting both bladder health and vaginal health. As it turns out, Betty’s flower was a weeping willow; not only did she have a thin watery discharge, but she also had leakage of urine, two common symptoms of vaginal atrophy.

We discussed a tablet form of estrogen as well as a ring that is inserted into the vagina that slowly releases estrogen over a three-month period, in addition to discussing another available cream that does not contain the urine of a mare.

Flowers are important to women but I find that we don’t discuss our garden until it begins to wilt or the flower dies. Vaginal health and sexual health remain to be such taboo subjects. I am very pleased that Betty and I were able to chat over the garden fence about her flowers to help her get back to the bedroom.

Vaginal pain is a very common condition and occurs in about 16% of women. There are a number of reasons for vaginal/sexual pain which can include:

• Vaginismus: Recurrent or persistent involuntary contraction of the muscles of the outer one-third of the vagina which interferes with vaginal penetration

• Dyspareunia: Related to attempted penetration during sex and includes vaginal dryness and pain of the clitoris

Yes, sex may be uncomfortable after a protracted period of time without intercourse; however lubricants during sex can help, but this was only part of Darla’s problem.  Not only had Darla been inactive sexually, she was also experiencing vaginal dryness because she was post-menopausal (which is common). Vaginal dryness affects approximately 50% of women who are post-menopausal.

I know what you are thinking! We often make assumptions and it would be easy to assume that newlyweds were young. But this couple was in their eighties, had been married for eight months after having met at the “formerly together” group at their church for the over fifty-five crowd.  You are probably surprised to hear that couples in their eighties are interested in having sex.  It is quite possible to have a healthy sex life at any decade of life.

Darla was thrilled to learn that her vaginal dryness could be treated. She confessed that she too thought it might not be possible to be sexually active.  I recommended she start using a personal moisturizer like RepaGyn®, a hormone-free over the counter option for vaginal dryness which also promotes healing of vaginal tissue.

I also suggested that Darla and Frank use a natural silicone based lubricant during sex, as this type is typically best for the “senior” vagina.  I did remind them that if they were to bring sex toys into the bedroom that water based lubricant would be best for that kind of sex play.

After two months Darla and Frank returned (hand in hand) with a bunch of flowers for me! They felt it was appropriate as they credited my recommendations with helping her to be “deflowered” as they said. With their new found love, these newlyweds would be spending lots of time back to the bedroom... as newlyweds should!

One newlywed told me that vaginal dryness was already impacting her relationship with respect to intimacy. This brought a tear to her eye. She also said that she had been searching for something for seven months and that she just made an appointment with her doctor and was going to see her in a few days. This lady had a particularly interesting story with regard to her vaginal dryness. Her new husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer shortly after the wedding. A “knicked” artery during surgery that helped to fill his penis with blood placed a number of challenges on their sex life. She said that their efforts given his erectile dysfunction made sex hurt for her even more than if he did not have erectile dysfunction.

It was not unusual for men to visit my vaginal health booth. In fact, one man told me that his wife recently started using coconut oil to relieve her vaginal dryness symptoms but as I explained to him, this comes down to managing vaginal dryness vs. treating it. It is much better for women to treat vaginal dryness. For example, I often recommend RepaGyn® which is natural and formulated with hyaluronic acid which helps to keep moisture in the vaginal tissues and also aids in healing the vaginal tissues.

When I presented my talk to a crowded room, I spoke about the importance of treating vaginal dryness not only in women who were in care homes but also the nurses and other female health care workers who treat these patients. Further, many health care workers are menopausal which is a very common time to experience vaginal dryness which can affect intimacy. When women are not sexually active due to painful sex (which often occurs because of vaginal dryness), they lose out on the health benefits of sex; mood, sleep, pain, and looking younger!

After my presentation, I was invited by a number of attendees to come and speak for their organizations. All in all, my presentation at the BC Care Providers Association annual meeting was a success. I really felt that I raised awareness about a few taboo subjects, overactive bladder and vaginal dryness. Many women were most appreciative of the information. This is sure to get a lot of women back to the bedroom enjoying life just that much more.

Now that sex between older women and younger men is no longer the taboo it once was (older men and younger women has never been taboo), sex can be that much better because sexual desire increases, generally because younger men pay attention to what they look like and this is appealing to women. Also, older women and younger men no longer get all worked up about who is paying so they can get all worked up where it counts (back to the bedroom).

Sexual health education is becoming more and more mainstream and women understand the importance of vaginal health. Many older women stop having sex because of vaginal dryness, which may lead to painful sex. I have many 50-something newly single female patients who present to my clinic who want something for their vaginal dryness because they have a desire to re-enter the dating world. During perimenopause and after menopause women may experience vaginal dryness associated with a decrease in estrogen receptors in the vaginal tissues. Using a personal moisturizer, like RepaGyn®, will not only help to make a women feel better, her vaginal tissues will heal because of the natural ingredients and she will be able to enjoy more pleasurable sex!

Sex may be a lot more fun after the age of 50 for many women. Given the hormonal challenges women face as they age, they may need a little extra assistance in experiencing orgasm. Bring on the tickle trunk! A woman is never too old to play with sex toys and often after the age of 50 has the sexual self-esteem and confidence to do so.

To tie things up, when a woman over 50 feels that her vaginal health is more youthful (such as after using a moisturizer like RepaGyn® with healing properties), there is no reason she cannot grab herself a younger man, a couple of sex toys and go have a great time getting back to the bedroom.

First, I asked her how long it had been since she and Josh had sex. She said it had been about five years mainly because of vaginal dryness; she said it had become increasingly difficult for her to have sex with her husband due to the associated discomfort of pain during sex (dyspareunia) and boredom in the bedroom.

Josh, an attorney himself, was 10 years older and Thelma thought (had hoped, really) that by the age of 62 he would no longer have an interest in sex. Boy, was she wrong. At 52 she was no longer interested in sex and wondered when it might end for him. Quite possibly never, I told her.

From cradle to grave, we are all sexual beings and there is no magic age when sex stops. There are, however, circumstances which may alter a person’s ability to engage in sexual intercourse; medications, medical conditions and injuries to name a few. Men in particular though have sexual urges and cravings that are different from most women due to biological need and socialization.

Thelma felt betrayed by both her friend and her husband. Her immediate response, after learning about the affair, was to end her marriage and run away. She told her husband that he had 2 weeks to move out of the home they shared and then she left on a road trip to visit her parents, her best friend, and her sister in an effort to process her pain.

Thelma realized that her vaginal dryness had so many consequences on her personal life as she grieved the loss of her marriage and her best friend. I explained to her that vaginal dryness could also affect her physical health. Estrogen receptors decrease in the vaginal walls during peri-menopause (the years leading up to menopause), which leads to vaginal dryness.

Lubricants and personal moisturizers like RepaGyn® (hormone free) vaginal suppositories will help her to get relief from her vaginal dryness. If vaginal dryness is left untreated it may advance into vaginal atrophy, a condition associated with additional symptoms such as urgency, leakage of urine and recurrent urinary tract infections. Vaginal atrophy may require low dose localized estrogen treatment.

Thelma decided to carry on with her plans to divorce Josh and I could not help but think that had she dealt with her vaginal dryness early on, she may be headed back to the bedroom with a bag of tricks to spice things up instead of to the courthouse to split things up.

Wanda sent this message to several women: “Dear [so and so], you are a home wrecker; my husband is not a good catch and there are plenty of other fish in the sea.” She laughed when she said, “Little did those women know what my husband is really like.” Her husband was overweight, had high blood pressure, was depressed and rather unhealthy.

Wanda believed that her husband’s erectile dysfunction issues were related to the one hundred pounds he had gained over the past few years eating candy and sweets after having quit smoking. This may have contributed to his erectile dysfunction, however, decreased psychological arousal, excess masturbation and/or low testosterone levels are also causes of erectile dysfunction. In addition, high blood pressure and poorly regulated blood sugar may damage nerves and small blood vessels that control erections that allow blood to flow to the penis. There is a biochemical component to depression that may make it difficult for men to attain and maintain an erection as well.

Desperate to save her marriage, Wanda wondered what she could do to help her “whale of a man.” It may help her husband if she gave him some tools to help himself, but the rest was up to him.

Here are a few tips:

• Walking 30 minutes each day is as good for mild to moderate depression as any antidepressant
• Losing weight may help lower his blood pressure and increase blood flow
• Following a healthy diet rich in foods that increase blood flow (such as foods that contain zinc, like dark green vegetables) may help as well.
• Consuming Omega-3 Fatty Acid foods (like fish, flaxseed and walnuts) are essential to controlling blood pressure
• Watermelon contains lycopene, which relaxes blood vessels and improves blood flow (it works like the little blue pill, minus the side effects of headache, flushing, and upset stomach to name a few)

Talking to her husband about addiction and how he may have replaced one (smoking) with another, (the internet) may be a conversation worth having. It would be important for Wanda to talk to her husband about how his recent activities were negatively impacting their relationship. Wanda might have to release her fish as he needed to help himself and accept responsibility for his actions.

Wanda needs to keep healthy boundaries and take good care of herself so that if and when her husband reached out to her for help, she could provide stable assistance. In the end however, it is up to her husband as to whether or not he would sink or swim back to the bedroom with his fish named Wanda.

Felicia asked me, “Do women cheat because they are bored and men because they are under appreciated?” I explained that both of those reasons are common for men and/or women, but extramarital affairs are complex and often have a number of reasons that belie them. For example, a man with a high sex drive might be married to a woman with a low or decreased sex drive because she is working outside of the home at a very stressful job. She may be taking care of children or elderly parents and, as a result, may be very tired,  (which is the number one reason for low sexual desire). A married man may meet someone at work that he is attracted to and who pays him some attention. It might all start out innocently but can quickly move from attraction to an emotional affair and then to a physical one. Emotional affairs are dangerous because 50% progress to a sexual relationship, a potential disaster for a marriage. However, it was what Felicia mentioned next that was of grave concern to me...

Felicia said that she and the man she has been involved with had been "sexting" each other, which can be very arousing. She said her lover asks her to send nude photos of herself during those sexting sessions and she obliges. She was genuinely shocked when I pointed out the potential risk to her reputation at having sent provocative pictures of herself to her part-time lover. Believe me, I am not giving instructions on how to have an affair but the chances of getting caught are greatly increased with the addition of nude photos to sexting. In addition to that, what if the relationship soured? In that case, her lover may instigate a campaign of 'revenge porn' against her.

Revenge porn is sexually explicit pictures/media that is publicly shared online without the consent of the pictured individual. Felicia was so attracted to this man that she never denied his requests regarding rough sex, bondage or sexting. Admittedly, she had not thought out the consequences of her behavior as she was quite caught up in the excitement. I explained that it is NEVER okay to send illicit photographs and that (perhaps) if she did not meet his every demand the relationship may end (although I doubted this), but her soul would be saved and ultimately he would pay her more respect.

I suggested to Felicia that she ask her lover to delete any and all photographs of her from his phone. This was no guarantee they would not turn up elsewhere on the internet, but at least her lover’s wife likely would not see them. I must say, Felicia was very grateful for this advice. Having a “No Pictures Please!” policy – whether you get back to the bedroom or when sexting – is the only way to protect yourself during those times you choose iniquity.

Join me Sunday Night at 8pm on the CKNW Sunday Night Sex Show , when Thomas Panuzio (a National Security Expert) joins me to discuss revenge porn!

Through email and text messages, Caleb told “R” that he was single, very sexual and a veritable rock star in the bedroom. In addition to exchanging photos, Caleb sent flirty, intimate messages, begged “R” to go out with him repeatedly, and made reference to her tongue ring. Joanna and Caleb had not discussed their arid sex life or her dwindling sexual desire – Joanna assumed that Caleb was not bothered. She now had evidence to the contrary and felt that she needed to take action.

Discovering that another woman was interested in her man, Joanna’s sexual desire increased. According to research, this is not uncommon. A strategist by training, Joanna knew her first strike would have to be severe enough to end this affair. So... she sent “R” a message of her own. Carefully crafted, she let “R” know that Caleb was her husband and his intention was never to meet her alone; she told “R” that she and her husband were both looking forward to meeting her in hopes that the three of them might engage in a ménage a trois, as this was her fantasy that Caleb was more than willing to oblige. I had my doubts that “R” would fall for that and chuckled to myself at Joanna’s creativity.

In her heart, Joanna excused Caleb believing that her husband must have been very “stressed out” to have done something like this and she hoped against hope they had never met but at the same time did not want to know. Knowing that something physical had ensued, she felt, would have made it MUCH more difficult for her to overcome. It is counterintuitive, but an emotional affair is in many ways worse than a sexual one (and often more difficult from which to recover). Only Caleb knew the degree of his indiscretion. However, his behavior was akin to a chronic cheater and I suspected that he had been doing this for a long time; he was perhaps getting sloppy with his escapades, given the protracted period of time he spent on his (very likely) highly arousing “sexting” emotional affair with “R.”

Confident that her message to “R” would have ended any future exchanges (I had my doubts about this), Joanna decided not to discuss her discovery with Caleb. That said, it was a wake-up call for Joanna that she needed to put her sex life back on the front burner. Getting back to the bedroom with Caleb was just what the doctor ordered, she thought.

I imagine that I will be seeing Joanna again...