Roger wrote me a few days ago:
Hi Maureen,
I listen to your Sunday Night Sex Show on CKNW sometimes. I am a 51 year old man and lately I have a problem sustaining erections when I'm with a woman but when I masturbate I generally have no problem having a good, strong rock hard erection.
What would cause this problem?
Thanks for your inquiry, Roger. I cannot say what the root cause of your issue would be as we have never met nor do I know your medical history. First, I would need more information, but I can say that this is a common issue faced by men like you. Masturbation causes less tension for men than sexual intercourse does, so I am wondering if you are anxious at all when getting ready or engaging in sex with a woman. You will want to be relaxed during this time, but make sure you do not relax with alcohol as this can actually kill an erection!
I'm curious about a few things:
- Psychological arousal when with the woman you referred to
- Satisfaction with sex (ie. has it been disappointing in the past or have you experienced sexual incompatibility?)
-
Physical condition
- Do you smoke
- Do you drink alcohol (and how much)
- Healthy weight
- Abdominal girth
- Undue stress
- Emotional health
- Feelings of guilt
- Sugar consumption
- Any compounding issues that would increase stress (ie. having sex with a married woman, having an extramarital affair etc.)
These are some of the questions your primary healthcare provider may ask. A sexual health assessment and physical exam would be beneficial to help get to the root of the issue. I recommend that you speak to your family physician as it may be (but likely isn't) something like diabetes. Your family physician would do a proper physical exam and check your blood pressure, heart rate, conduct a genital exam, Digital Rectal Exam (DRE) and perhaps do some blood work such as a testosterone level and/or blood sugar level.
Chances are, there is nothing serious going on but to give you piece of mind those are my thoughts based on the information provided. Keep in mind that this is common and that there are many treatment strategies to consider (depending upon the diagnosis, of course). If it turns out to be psychological in nature, getting to the bottom of that would be helpful and please take solace in the knowledge that there are treatments so you can rock your erections once again when you are with a woman!
I hope that helps you rock it and get back to the bedroom - best of luck and thanks for listening!