It's not something I broadcast, so to speak. I don't want people to take it the wrong way. "My expertise lies in low sexual desire & sexless marriages," I said.
She laughed, my sad patient, who after a decade was not yet over her divorce. Her heart as broken as she was.
"I wish I'd met you ten years ago," she said. That's MY story. My husband & I stopped having sex & never talked about it. I had some issues with peri-menopause: hot flashes, night sweats, mood issues, painful sex…
My husband had an affair & eventually left. It broke my heart but now I have a better understanding as to why he may have acted this way.
Don't shoulder the entire blame. Sex is such a taboo subject. No one is ever advised there may be issues & we're not taught to discuss sex when troubles arise.
Sex is different for men. According to the book, The Joy of Sex, "Men wish that women’s sexuality was like theirs, but it isn’t. Male sexual response is far brisker & more automatic: it is triggered easily by things, like putting a quarter in a vending machine.”
When there is desire discrepancy or one of the couple wants to spice up the sex life & is met with resistance, trouble awaits.
When we don't discuss intimacy issues, fantasies or sexual desire, we place marriage at great risk.
Maureen McGrath hosts the Sunday Night Health (and Sex) Show on the Corus Radio Network. She is in clinical practice in Vancouver, BC and is a thought leader at Nurse Next Door.