We have so much to conquer. From Access to Education to Pay Equity, Childcare, healthcare, politics, business, imbalance of power and above all else abusive relationships. But there's something else; compassion.
Some national studies show that up to 70 per cent of women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Men who witnessed their fathers using violence against their mothers, and violence at home as children are more likely to report perpetrating intimate partner violence in their adult relationships.
I think of a patient in my office. He grew up with violence and he thought it was normal. Whenever his mother made a mistake his father berated her and smacked her.
At 13 years of age, this patient was invited as a child to go on a vacation with his friend's family. When the mother of that family made a mistake on the driving directions, the father simply said, that's ok we'll just arrive at the lake a bit later.
My patient turned to his friend and asked, "why didn't your father punish your mother when she made a mistake? He'd realized at 13 that his normal may not be the norm.
We teach women they are not safe in the world or that abuse is their fault. What did you do to upset him? No short skirts. Were you drinking? Well, that's why he raped you.
Legal cases are tossed out and judges give visitation and custody to men who've abused their wives in the past. Men who've banged their heads against the wall, beaten them to a pulp or stuffed a rat into their mouth.
We as women judge other women.
That would never happen to you, or so you claim. The truth is abuse knows no bounds. There is no discrimination. Smart, happy, poor, wealthy, brilliant, funny, intelligent, soft, kind, tough, strong, introverted, extroverted, famous, Asian, Caucasian, African American, South Asian, and Indigenous powerful women can find themselves in abusive relationships.
The other common denominator is the amount of shame these women feel. Shame is bred from secrets. Many women keep their abuse secret from family, friends and co-workers.
They are afraid of being judged. And yes, judge women in abusive relationships when we ask, "Why won't she just leave?" Shame on all of us.
She doesn't leave because she has nowhere to go, is short on finances, is worried about her feeding her children, removing them from their school and/or have nowhere to go. She may or may not realize the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she leaves.
To fully support a woman in an abusive situation, one must understand her situation.
When I began my year long #BreakTheSilence Campaign to educate women about signs of abuse in relationships, I never expected to hear from the many women who reached out about their past and/or present experiences.
What I have learned is that it's tremendously difficult to leave an abusive relationship. This was her Prince Charming. He completed her. She loved him because she is real and authentic. He on the other hand is another story.
Yes, a story. One he likely made up. He creates a person that is oh so charming. Someone who had suffered as a child and therefore is so sweet, compassionate and.......evil. Everyone loves him at the party. They don't see that afterward he's dragged her to the car by her hair.
We also ask, "Why did you marry him in the first place?" Maybe she ignored the signs, not fully grasping the consequences. Hindsight is 20/20.
No judgment. Denial is a drug. There's a societal pressure to marry, have the white picket fence and kids. Our biological clocks tick. Along comes Prince Charming.....or so she thinks.
She probably missed this love bombing. They were soul mates. He showed her unreal love and affection. Focus is on "unreal." The relationship moves quickly. She's everything he's ever wanted. They belong together. He was just so charming.
He's charming alright and it's so addictive. Now that she's addicted, it's time to devalue her. This comes in the form of control where he slowly beats aways at her self-esteem. She's confused. He tells her what to wear or eat or where to go. He controls her finances. She comes to depend on him. She desperately wants it to go back to the way it was. Impossible but she doesn't realize that because that wasn't real.
She thinks she loves him but in actual fact, it may be a trauma bond.
I have come to realize the power of the "Trauma Bond." Trauma bonding occurs in the face of persistent repetitive cycles of abuse where the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment by the abuser creates a powerful emotional bond that the victim is resistant to change.
So please if you are one of the lucky women who has never been abused, show your support to the other women who have. Don't ask the questions, why doesn't she just leave. And don't ever blame her. It's never her fault.
Be supportive, show your concern and understanding but remain confident in that one day hopefully your sister, daughter, mother, friend, neighbour, cousin, aunt and/or colleague will make the right choice.
Hopefully before she is "love bombed" into a trauma bond.
Maureen McGrath RN is in clinical practice where she has heard countless stories about violence against women. She hosts the Sunday Night Health Show on the Corus Radio Network. https://globalnews.ca/bc/program/sunday-night-health-show
Maureen has committed to one year of her #BreakTheSilence Campaign; educational tips, blogs, tweets or posts on violence against women. Today is day #24.
]]>She was ready to meet someone to have dinner with and go to the movies. She never mentioned intimacy, rather she just wanted a man to go out with. No sex. Not going to be easy to find a man who'll be satisfied with that, I thought.
Sex or the lack thereof in her marriage was a contributing factor to the demise of the union. The marriage was tumultuous in large part due to the fact that she felt her husband wanted sex all the time. She couldn't service him enough, she said. It's actually called Desire Discrepancy.
"Now, he's free to go out and get all the sex he wants!" she exclaimed.
What about you? I asked. What about me? she replied.
Why do you care so much about your ex-husband's sex life? What about your own sex life?
After all....Sex Is For You. Apparently, THAT was the most profound thing I said in our hour long meeting.
Sex is for me? She seemed legit confused. Of course, many women are taught that sex is dirty or bad. Women get mixed messages from society as they are often slut shamed for enjoying the pleasure of sex.
Speaking of pleasure, women are rarely if ever educated about pleasure.
My patient had interest. Interest in learning more about her own pleasure. She'd received other messages about sex having had a strict religious upbringing. Puritanical attitudes imposed by archaic-patriarch societies and religious communities have been detrimental to female sexuality.
As I explained to my patient, self exploration is key. In order to communicate what feels good or pleasurable, a woman needs to know for herself. I suggested my patient begin by touching herself.
I then suggested she take time to herself and perhaps start using a personal massager, otherwise known as a vibrator. There are a number of vibrators available that are sleek, sexy and discreet. For women like my patient who've never used a personal massager, Lila is a great start! https://www.floravi.com/en/shop/products/short-massager-lila.html
My patient was pleased we'd had this convo. She said it was the first time she had ever had education about sexual pleasure and at age 47, she thought that was a bit late. It's actually never too late but we have a lot of catching up to do ladies.
For more information about female sexual health products, please visit https://www.floravi.com/en/
Maureen McGrath RN, NCA is a Nurse Continence Advisor and a Sexual Health Educator. She is in private practice in Vancouver and North Vancouver. Her website is: https://www.backtothebedroom.ca/
Maureen hits the air waves every Sunday Night in Western Canada for her show The Sunday Night Health Show https://globalnews.ca/bc/program/sunday-night-health-show
]]>I have developed an On-Line Learning Management System in Intimate Health (bladder, sexual and vaginal) and am training nurses to increase the resources to deal with the tsunami of people especially women who face these issues commonly especially during peri-menopause and menopause.
I then match nurses trained in intimate health with Physicians Clinics interested in serving patients better.
Since much of the treatment around intimate health involves education, which takes time, this model works. Everyone knows physician's time is limited and nurses have the gift of time.
Now nurses trained through my on-line Learning Management System are poised to prevent leakage of urine and promote healthy sexuality. Doctors and nurses working together.
The nurses in these clinics are educated on symptoms, contributing factors, nursing diagnosis and conservative treatment measures such as education about evidence-based solutions and products that work.
For example many women believe that leakage of urine is normal and/or that there are no treatment options available. Nothing could be further from the truth. A bladder diary has a 30% placebo effect. Fluids are important, treating constipation critical and strengthening pelvic floor is the standard.
Vaginal weights are one product that not only increases pelvic floor strength reducing or eliminate leakage of urine, they also increase sexual sensation and that alone may lead to better orgasms!
It's not just female patients who benefit from an Intimate Health RN. Men also leak urine and experience sexual health issues such as erectile dysfunction, low desire and premature ejaculation. These RN's treat male patients too.
There are so many benefits from increasing self-esteem to sleeping better to improving relationships just to name a few!
If you are an RN or a Physician interested in training or reaping the benefits by incorporating an Intimate Health RN into your practice, feel free to email me for more information: [email protected]
Maureen McGrath (MMG LTD) is an RN, Nurse Continence Advisor, Sexual Health Researcher, Author, Blogger, Radio Host and Feminist. Tune into her Sunday Night Health Show: https://globalnews.ca/bc/program/sunday-night-health-show
Her website Maureenmcgrath.com is under development.
]]>Carly, a 57 year-old post- menopausal woman was suffering with recurrent urinary tract infections. She had been prescribed antibiotics repeatedly until finally her specialist prescribed low dose localized estrogen after her latest round of antibiotics.
During menopause, estrogen receptors decrease in the urogenital tract making women susceptible to recurrent urinary tract infections. The condition is called Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause or GSM is very common and women may also experience vaginal dryness, painful sex, burning and itching.
It takes 2-3 months for localized estrogen to optimize, so Carly was still experiencing UTI’s. Therefore, whenever she had a UTI symptom, she had to book an appointment with the doctor to provide a urine sample and have her urine tested. That wasn’t always easy given the fact that she worked full-time and the doctor’s office was busy.
With Utiva test strips https://www.utivahealth.ca/ she would be able to test her urine at home and avoid multiple trips to the doctor! I also suggested she start on Utiva, Urinary Tract Infection Control Supplement https://www.utivahealth.ca/ a highly concentrated cranberry extracted that contains the clinically proven dosage of 36mg of Proanthocyanidins (PACs) and is Health Canada approved.
PACs are the active molecule of the cranberry which prevents bacterial adherence to the bladder wall and has been shown to reduce the incidence of UTIs.
The right amount of PACs needed to prevent UTIs, is extracted from cranberries using a specialized process. 36mg of PACs reduces the number of UTIs that a person will experience. Other supplements simply don’t contain PACs or have an inadequate amount.
Not only was Carly delighted with her new-found convenience of testing her urine at home but after taking Utiva’s natural supplement, she was delighted that her UTI's disappeared after one month.
I am comfortable recommending Utiva to my patients because it is safe, effective and doctor approved. Carly continues to use her natural supplement because she never wants another UTI again.
She has her life back! Now she has confidence that she can go to work, travel and live her life the way she would like…….Urinary Tract Infection free!
For more information go to https://www.utivahealth.ca/
To purchase Utiva Test Strips or Utiva Control Supplement go to: https://www.utivahealth.ca/
Use promo code: UTIVALOVE for 10% off of your purchase.
Maureen McGrath is a Registered Nurse, Nurse Continence Advisor and Sexual Health Educator in practice in North Vancouver and the Lower Mainland. She also hosts the Sunday Night Health Show on Corus Radio.
]]>Week 2 of Biodiet for Health & Weight loss
What to eliminate (Kitchen detox):
How are you doing on the BioDiet? Email me your progress or questions. [email protected]
Tune in here if you missed the show and want to hear more about the Biodiet: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/full-show-alcohol-vs-sleep-biodiet-meeting-the-one/id1179064116?i=1000463115897
]]>Doctor approval -check
Hip/waist Measurements- Check (Ugh)
MCT oil- Check
Ketostix - Check
Multivit - Check
Probiotics - check
Sugar Free candy- on the hunt
Almond Flour (keto pizza) - ( I don't even like pizza but what the heck) Variety is the spice of life, right?
Not exactly a drinker so the "no alcohol thing" isn't an issue. Water consumption increased. Hit the easy button.
What wasn't so easy?
The brownies & M&Ms (especially the green ones LOL ) I have prevailed however! I've managed to cut out all sugar.
Going more healthy fats and plant based, no starches, limited diary etc.
A little tired yesterday. But I did drive for an hour in a snowstorm on the ice rink that had previously been deemed a highway. Then worked a 14 hour day. Plus all my other duties. Understandable?
No headaches, excessive thirst or muscle cramps, common in individuals on ketogenic diets.
I've dropped about 3 lbs which was likely fluid so, NO the love handles are not gone! Yet.
I am still inspired because I always feel better when am eating healthy. And my sweat pants are looser!
Here we chat about it: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/full-show-your-data-biodiet-and-ai/id1179064116?i=1000462322911
My future "Biodet life" is so bright, I have to wear shades!
How are you doing on the Biodiet?
Drawing on their professional and personal experience, along with the latest research in nutritional science, they explain in a simple and straightforward way, how the BioDiet can help you shed weight, keep it off, and significantly reduce your risk of chronic disease in the process. No hype or gimmicks: it’s what the science says.
Tonight on the Sunday Night Health Show, we started our BIo Diet (ketogenic journey). Dr. David G. Harper joined me to help you get started on a road to health in 2020.
You are what you eat. This journey will deal with inflammation quite often the source of chronic pain conditions.
I'll be starting on the BioDiet too because along with wonderful holiday time enjoying family, friends & food, I got two love handles!
Here's a cheat sheet:
Week 1 - “S.W.A.M.”
S: (eliminate) sugar - no sweets, sweetened foods (most processed foods) or beverages, sweet fruits OK
W: water - super hydration. Start the day with water & hydrate regularly
A: alcohol - nope (sorry)
M: MCT (medium chain triglyceride) oil - starting with 1 tsp.
We will be on a 12 week Biodiet journey. Please join us if you want to be healthier and/or thinner. The show airs live every Sunday evening from 8-10pm for the Sunday Night Health Show. https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/full-show-the-biodiet-grid-cells-senior-parkour-more/id1179064116?i=1000461664168 I will be updating my progress and I hope you'll share your stories.
]]>The good news was that 59% felt their romantic and sex lives were good.
Why the big chill Canada? A frozen tundra. What's going on in the dark, dead bedrooms of the Great White North? Where has the romance gone?
And what about that sex? All talk, no action? No talk, a little action? Are Canadians too busy? Bored? Too pre-occupied? Spend more time looking at your screens than you do your partner? Medical issues playing a role?
What does it take to make a good marriage/relationship and a great sex life?
My intimacy recipe has 4 ingredients:
What role does our chronic busyness, the increased opportunity to cheat, the internet & free porn have to do with how satisfied Canadians are with their sex lives?
My sex chat and tips on how to warm up your sex life with @J'lyn Nye @630CHED. https://curiouscast.ca/podcast/162/630ched-afternoon-news-with-jlyn-nye/
Maureen McGrath RN NCA is a Sexual Health Educator and hosts the Sunday Night Health Show on the Corus Radio Network. You can subscribe to her podcast:https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/sunday-night-health-show/id1179064116
#Sextalk #ResponsiveDesire #Education #JustDoIt
]]>Back in the office, I am hearing from the patients that they lack sexual desire in part because they believe that desire comes first. After I explain the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire to my patients they often say, they feel better because they thought they were the "low desire types" with no hope. Nope.
When we think about sexual desire, we think about being ready to hop in the sack at a moment's notice. This is what we see in the movies. We associate sex and sexual desire with spontaneity. Spontaneous desire occurs in men about 75% of the time and in women only about 15% of the time.
Anyone who's been married for more than four years understands that spontaneous desire is a challenge in long term relationships. Hello. You again? It's important to understand that some people are the responsive desire types when it comes to sex. They just don't know it.
The truth is that in order to be turned on, excited or ready for sex both our minds (the largest sex organ) and our bodies (second largest sex organ) must be ready for it.
Physiologically things happen such as the penis filling with blood, becoming erect and the vagina swelling and becoming lubricated. The order in which the mind, body and physiology occurs determines the type of desire you're experiencing; spontaneous or responsive.
Spontaneous desire involves the mind. You're thinking about someone or you've met someone on-line (yes a photo is arousing), you're sexting or you've just met someone to whom you're attracted. Your body is ready and the physiological changes occur. You get aroused.
In responsive desire, sex doesn't start in your mind. It starts in your body that is if you're not too tired or don't have body image issues, unresolved conflict and you're attracted to the one you're with. You can get aroused even with someone you're not that attracted to through fantasy but that's another blog.
In responsive desire, you may not be thinking about sex but you're in a loving relationship and feel pretty good about things. So you accept your partner's sexual advances. You get aroused and you enjoy the tingle, the touch, the intimacy, the play, the orgasm (s), and yes, yes, yes, you think, "why didn't I do that last night?"
In other words, you don't feel like doing it but you do it anyway and you enjoy it. You're responsive. You respond. Get it? You will.
Thank you for subscribing to my blog.
Maureen McGrath RN is a Sexual Health Educator who hosts the Sunday Night Health Show the Corus Radio Network. Listen, share and subscribe on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/3nzOWv58lU3ZtHnhBuS4fq
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