Maureen McGrath – 50 Shades of Pink Blog Sexual Health, Relationships, Marriage, Sexless Marriage, Dating and Divorce Fri, 27 Jul 2018 06:46:48 +0000 en-CA hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8 What Men Want /what-men-want/ /what-men-want/#respond Fri, 27 Jul 2018 06:41:28 +0000 /?p=3093 There are seven things that men want from their boss lady.

1. Men want to be desired. So let him know you are physically attracted to him & compliment him when you can. Let him know you're proud of his accomplishments.

2. Men aren't afraid of honesty & they don't want to feel like they have to change who they are for you. You can't change him so don't even try.

2. Men are linear in their goals & objectives & have no appreciation for drama. Don't come at him broadside especially if it is irrelevant to him.

4. Wrap your arms around him, show a little PDA. Initiate.

Women are linear too & believe that sexual desire comes first. Take a page out of Nike's book, "Just do it!" If you enjoy it, it's called responsive desire. It's a bio-psycho-social model that resonates with today's busy woman.

5. Never let him believe your love is conditional. Remember, he likes his freedom. Don't undermine him or threaten his masculinity.

6. Be authentic & real. Don't fake anything especially the Big O! Let him help you to experience them!

7. Talk to him......in bed. Guide him. Men are totally turned on when a woman verbalizes what she wants, what feels good & when she feels pleasure. Be vulnerable in bed, open up & let go.

You can still be a boss but be yourself & he'll be his.

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Do You Leak Urine With Cough, Sneeze and/or Exercise? /do-you-leak-urine-with-cough-sneeze-and-or-exercise/ /do-you-leak-urine-with-cough-sneeze-and-or-exercise/#respond Mon, 16 Jul 2018 22:34:32 +0000 /?p=3085 Has jumping on the trampoline become an issue? Do you leak urine with cough, sneeze, exercise or at orgasm?

Gentlemen, do you leak urine since your radical prostatectomy?

Not so sexy, eh?

Have you been advised to do Kegel exercises and not really sure if you're doing them correctly? Do you forget to do them? Have they actually worked for your leakage of urine? Chances are they have not.

Leaking urine is NEVER Normal. Pads are not the answer. The "Kegel Throne" by BTL Emsella is.

This High-Intensity Focused Electromagnetic (HIFEM®) technology causes deep pelvic floor muscle stimulation and restoration of the neuromuscular control.

Basically, The Kegel Throne does 11,800 Kegel exercises in one sitting. You are fully clothed during treatments. You can read or relax while the Kegel Throne does the work for you!

Just six sessions over three weeks will get you back to your old self and feeling younger again, I might add. There is a 95% patient satisfaction rate.

Leak no more ladies and gentlemen and get back to the bedroom! For information on the Kegel Throne or to book an appointment, please visit: 1800Bladder.com

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My Reflections on International Women’s Day 2018 /my-reflections-on-international-womens-day-2018/ /my-reflections-on-international-womens-day-2018/#respond Sat, 10 Mar 2018 04:59:30 +0000 /?p=3078 I am not that woman who has been raped on the streets of India. Nor am I a child bride forced to marry. No dictator has ruled over my body or reproductive rights. I have not been subjected to the ravages of a female circumcision.

I have however faced discrimination, workplace bullying and sexual harassment, often all at the same time. I have been excluded, paid unfairly and been on the receiving end of mansplaining.

I have been controlled. I have been out numbered.

I have been doubted, underestimated and my kindness has been mistaken for weakness, repeatedly.

I've been told by men that they didn't want to compensate me for completed work I was hired to do.

I have been left out of the deal when there wouldn't have been a deal without me. A thief of a man stole from me after gaining my trust.

I've been silenced by a "settlement" after a man forcibly confined me at work and not one man or woman colleague helped me.

I have been used and falsely accused.

I have found my voice. Been ignored. I spoke up again and again and again. I've been patronized.

This day in fact. This day to honour women around the globe. On IWD 2018, a woman patronized me after stealing my ideas under the guise of collaboration to better the lives of women.

Because sometimes women are the problem.

It's complex.

I am not a victim. I am a woman. A privileged woman. We have a long way to go ladies. #InternationalWomensDay2018

Maureen McGrath is a registered nurse, sexual health educator, executive director of the Women's Health Initiative Network raising awareness about below the belt issues for women, vaginal, sexual, uterine and bladder health. She is in clinical practice in North Vancouver. She hosts the Sunday Night Sex Show on CKNW, CJOB, CHED and CCHQ. She is a TEDx Speaker, and author of Sex & Health: Why One Can't Come Without the Other. Her radio show is a free download on iTunes. Sunday Night Health Show

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Sex After Baby; Love, Lust and Laxity /sex-after-baby-love-lust-and-laxity/ /sex-after-baby-love-lust-and-laxity/#respond Wed, 28 Feb 2018 04:58:12 +0000 /?p=3067 Eileen was so excited to have had her first baby with her husband Edward. She had an idea of the demands of a new baby as her best friend had given birth recently. That said, she was nervous that the demands of the baby might impact her relationship with her husband.

What Eileen didn't expect when she was expecting was a change in her sexual function after the birth of her baby. Eileen and Edward resumed intimate relations as per the doctor's order at six weeks postpartum. Although Eileen felt closer than ever to Edward she was surprised that sexually things felt different. Her doctor recommended Kegel exercises but after many weeks, they didn't help with her lack of sexual sensation.

Eileen emailed me after hearing a segment on my radio show the Sunday Night Health Show with Dr. Bruce Alan an obstetrician and gynecologist. We spoke about those sensitive issues that may occur after a woman has a baby such as physical, psychological and relationship changes.

Women tell Dr. Alan that things have changed sexually after childbirth, it's not as pleasurable and they're not as engaged in intercourse anymore which may lead to relationship issues. Dr. Alan explained that after childbirth women experience a combination of tone and tissue changes due to the distention of the vagina during a vaginal delivery which is referred to as vaginal laxity or looseness.

The vaginal tissue is composed of collagen and elastin. With the stretching of the tissues during a vaginal delivery, collagen and elastin are lost. Kegel exercises may help to increase muscle tone but won't help with the sensation.

Restoration of collagen in the vaginal tissues is needed to improve sexual sensation for women. Dr. Alan and I discussed Geneveve by Viveve a new radio frequency, energy type treatment that heats the vaginal tissues and stimulates fibroblasts which are important in the restoration of collagen and elastin.

Genevieve, by Viveve is a safe, quick, painless and effective procedure that a woman can have performed in her doctor's office on her lunch hour. There's no risks, complications or downtime. By improving sexual sensation with Geneveve by Viveve.com Geneveve women can enjoy intercourse again!

Although a woman does this treatment for herself to make sex more pleasurable, Geneveve by Viveve Geneveve has a significant impact on relationships. Dr. Alan has had tremendous feedback from many women, who've told him Geneveve by Viveve has saved their marriages.

To hear the full interview please go to: Sunday Night Health Show December 18, 2017 show.

Maureen McGrath is a registered nurse, executive director of the Women's Health Initiative Network raising awareness about vaginal, sexual, uterine and bladder health. She is in clinical practice in North Vancouver. She also hosts the Sunday Night Sex Show on CKNW, is a TEDx Speaker, and author of Sex & Health: Why One Can't Come Without the Other. Her radio show is a free download on iTunes. Sunday Night Health Show

To learn more about Geneveve by Viveve go to Geneveve

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A Sexless Marriage…and He Cheated /a-sexless-marriage-and-he-cheated/ /a-sexless-marriage-and-he-cheated/#respond Sun, 04 Feb 2018 18:30:07 +0000 /?p=3059 His lawyer contacted me on Facebook. A modern day approach to an antiquated law still on the books. Divorce is by jury trial in the state of Georgia. In a sexless marriage, her client had "an affair."

He couldn't resist the temptation to cheat five times in three months. Hardly an affair. She'd asked him how he was. He succumbed. That's all it took for this God-fearing man.

They'd watched my TEDx talk on the No Sex Marriage: Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame. She wanted me to be an expert witness in his divorce trial.

He admitted to the indiscretion. Regardless, the division of assets lay in the hands of twelve southern jurors, not one with a high school diploma.

The deposition read like War and Peace, sans peace. 1000 pages, the cheating paled by comparison to the lesbian liaisons, limousine lovers, parental alienation, drinking, hateful women and murder.

Cheating is the ultimate betrayal but so is imposing fidelity in a sexless marriage.

In late winter, I flew to Georgia.

We met for dinner, the lawyer, her client and me. His lawyer wasn't sure if the best strategy was to bring attention to his indiscretion. The jury was impatient. This trial had been going on for weeks.

His ex-wife subpoenaed sixty friends. Besides, the lawyer felt the jury empathized with him.

A recess for Christmas. The trial played out into the New Year.

The assets were divided unfairly……in his estimation. His legal bill was $300,000.

Betrayal all around. He believed she never loved him. He didn't want the marriage to end.

The real sadness is that this couple never had the right help. Sexless marriage is a thing. There is help.

Maureen McGrath hosts the Sunday Night Health Show on CKNW, CHQR, CHED and CJOB. She is a registered nurse , executive director of the Women’s Health Initiative Network, and in clinical practice in North Vancouver. She also does telehealth consults for people and couples all around the world. A TEDx speaker, she is author of Sex & Health: Why One Can’t Come Without the Other. Her radio show is a free download on iTunes. Sextalk

Her website is: Back To The Bedroom

To book an appointment email Maureen at: [email protected]

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What’s on The Menu Tonight Honey? Super Foods For Your Sex Life! /whats-on-the-menu-tonight-honey-super-foods-for-your-sex-life/ /whats-on-the-menu-tonight-honey-super-foods-for-your-sex-life/#respond Sat, 20 Jan 2018 05:01:22 +0000 /?p=3052 It’s no secret that after a period of time, sex becomes stale. Same old, same old and “you again” are common sentiments of the sexually bored. It’s important to recognize this hum drum roll in the hay when it begins because it places couples at risk of infidelity amongst other problems.

Recognition of the problem is a good place to begin. Try not to have hurt feelings over this problem. It's a common couple occurrence. And, it’s not just men who suffer insipid sex. Women actually report boredom in the bedroom more often than men, according to research. Time to really man up guys!

There's something new on the menu for you. Set aside more time than you think you’ll need to satiate your sexual desires. Go in hungry, literally hungry. Be open. Be vulnerable. Own it. . Check your problems at the door. Keep the end game in mind. It’ll be fantastic, you’ll feel fulfilled and fabulous--if you follow my lead!

Chances are you have not satiated your sexual palate lately. Make a commitment together that the two of you will add flavour to your sexual repertoire. To do so, look no further than your own refrigerator--time to bring in the aphrodisiacs! Pour yourself a stiff drink. Then get out the whipping cream, chocolate sauce, honey, maple syrup and more. The ultimate in oral sex.

Now you’re getting it. Maybe it’s time to rekindle the flame somewhere other than your bedroom. Make love in the lav. Dim the lights, add candles. Think shower head. Excellent for experiencing sexual pleasure. Besides, it’ll make things hot and steamy. Place some thick luscious towels on the base of the tub and hop in. Run warm water, bask in your oasis.

Set up a smorgasbord of your favourite sensual flavours soon to be turned into sexual sensation delicacies. The softness of the whipping cream, the silkiness of chocolate, the sweetness of honey making a mess of maple syrup! Invite your lover to pick their favourite flavour gently applying, rubbing, massaging onto their erogenous zones. Touch, lick, taste. Oral love play.

Head for the shower, it’ll add some splash! With a little creativity, imagination, time and a towel, you’ll soon be asking, “what’s on the menu tonight, honey?”

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I’m Having an Extra Marital Affair, Now What? /im-having-an-extra-marital-affair-now-what/ /im-having-an-extra-marital-affair-now-what/#respond Sun, 07 Jan 2018 19:09:50 +0000 /?p=3025 A battle cry all too common within the confines of my clinical practice. The reasons for getting involved with someone outside of one's marriage are very different from the reasons for leaving one's marriage.

Such was the case with Robert who got himself into a right mess. Robert met a woman at work to whom he was quite sexually attracted. Robert of course was not the "cheating kind." No one ever is. They started with long chats over coffee breaks which rapidly progressed to lovemaking at lunch. They would go for long walks along the ocean and slip in behind a tree in the forest, having passionate sex. It was fun and exciting!

Robert was at great risk for an extramarital affair (not an excuse) as he was a very vulnerable man. You see, Robert 43, married father of four was in a sexless marriage. He and his wife had not had sex for two years. He wasn't exactly sure why, he said. She'd had a million excuses. Fatigue, headache, too cold, too hot, fat stomach, it's painful and on and on... He wasn't sure which one to believe. They still got along quite well and parented even better together. He was happy with the relationship, just very unhappy with the lack of sex.

Problems begin when his lover told him she had chronic Hepatitis B. Hepatitis B is a liver disease caused by the hepatitis B virus (HBV). HBV is spread through contact with infected blood and body fluids including semen and vaginal fluid. Many people will contract acute Hepatitis B and will clear the virus within six months. In others it will become a chronic disease and may lead to cirrhosis, liver cancer, liver failure and early death. People can be vaccinated against Hepatitis B, however about 7% of those vaccinated will not build immunity.

Robert was a bit of a germaphobe and this led to anxiety for him. He and his mistress practiced safe sex with condoms and he used a dental dam to go down on her. This didn't give him 100% comfort and it shouldn't. Only 50% of those infected with HBV exhibit symptoms which may take 2 to 6 months to appear. Symptoms of HBV infection are: fatigue, loss of appetite, fever, nausea, vomiting, dark urine, pale stools, stomach pain, joint pain and jaundice. You can still infect someone during this time. Robert was devastated to learn that he may transmit Hepatitis B onto his unsuspecting wife.

The other problem for Robert was that his mistress was pressuring him to leave his wife and move in with her. He just wanted the sex, she desired more. This gave Robert pause."Would the sexual desire wane in the relationship with his mistress after a few years?" he asked. Most likely it would, due to the brain hormone PEA which accounts for the excitement when you first meet someone. The covert nature of the affair adds another element of excitement as well. I also reminded Robert that his risk of contracting HBV was significantly greater if he moved in with his mistress.

After careful consideration of his situation, Robert realized he might be jumping from the frying pan straight into the fire. I suggested he return to his wife and his marriage emotionally and hopefully with time and guidance, physically too. In order to do this, he would need to cut off all ties with his mistress. It would hurt. He and his mistress would need to grieve that relationship. I also recommended he obtain a Hepatitis B test now and again in six months.

But the repair of the relationship would need to begin before the tests results were back. His affair was his and he would have to bear it's burden. He felt guilt and wondered if he should disclose this to his wife. No need at this point. Telling her about his affair will only hurt her. That may change and there may come a time when he has to do so. Let's hope not.

Robert felt this was a good plan. Regardless of the outcome, Robert would feel better knowing he had at least tried to work out his marital issues. It's been three weeks since Robert came to see me. I see he and his wife have made and appointment with me for next week. Let the healing begin.

It's stories like Robert's that inspired me to write Sex & Health; Why One Can't Come Without The Other available for download on Amazon. You can also order it in hard copy on my website: Sex & Health Hard Copy

Maureen McGrath hosts the Sunday Night Sex Show on CKNW. She is a registered nurse , executive director of the Women’s Health Initiative Network, and in clinical practice in North Vancouver. She also does telehealth consults for people and couples all around the world. A TEDx speaker, she is author of Sex & Health: Why One Can’t Come Without the Other. Her radio show is a free download on iTunes. Sextalk

Her website is: Back To The Bedroom

To book an appointment email Maureen at: [email protected]

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My Three Resolution-Free Rules For A Happy New Year! #2018 /my-three-resolution-free-rules-for-a-happy-new-year-2018/ /my-three-resolution-free-rules-for-a-happy-new-year-2018/#respond Mon, 01 Jan 2018 21:10:32 +0000 /?p=2987 According to U.S. News, approximately 80% of resolutions fail by the second week of February, so the odds are stacked against you. I say out with the old and in with the new! A new approach, that is. Make resolutions a thing of the past and try my three rules for a Happy New Year.


Rule #1 No One Can Help You, Only You Can Help You.

Whether an individual or a couple comes to see me in my clinical practice for a health or relationship issue, the battle cry is the same. “Can you help me? Can you help us?” I respond with, “I can help you…. help you.” By this I mean, I can provide people with recommendations on how to deal with issues based on scientific evidence, clinical trends or my experience, however it is up to them to implement. Let’s take excess weight, a common New Year’s Resolution. First, in order to lose weight, one needs to change their mindset. It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle. It’s about reduction of calories, low glycemic index and low carbohydrates and elimination of alcohol mixed with some exercise. 80:20 rule applies. Lisa was afraid to step on the scale. Many people fear "the number," a culmination of a lack of discipline lit up in RED. Remember it’s only a number, a beginning. Next comes planning and shopping and filing up your refrigerator and you on the right vegetables, berries and low carbohydrate foods. I call it my "All In" Lifestyle Plan, because if you go "All In," you'll lose 15-20 lbs per month. And you gotta go, “All In.” Steve wanted to lose weight and did but only about five pounds after a month. He was frustrated. But he hadn't gone "All In." After going "All In" for two months, he lost 32 lbs. But I can tell you this until you’re blue in the face. It’s up to you to help you.

Go All In. Step on the scale. Start the journey. Lose the weight, save the money, change the job, hit the gym, go to bed/get up earlier.....

For information on my “All In” Lifestyle Plan, email me at [email protected]

Rule #2. Stop Blaming Others

It starts in childhood. “Johnny made me do it” or “the dog ate my homework.” We continue this throughout our lives and in our relationships likely because we fear that our imperfection will be found out by our family, friends, bosses and/or spouses. In my clinical practice, I often see couples at a standstill in their relationship because of this blame game. For the entire appointment couples are not allowed to blame their spouse. It takes a while to change a comfortable behaviour but I’m still surprised when each starts out on a blaming binge. I remind them we only have an hour and ask them to take a look at themselves.

SILENCE……...

Take Sandy, a 40 something married mother of three whose husband had an affair. She blamed her husband Robert implicitly. I asked her if she had any role. An unadulterated NO. Sex is the tie that binds. Although sex is the last thing on the mind of a stressed-out women, conversely when men are stressed, they need sex (no excuse however for infidelity). This couple had financial issues too because of Sandy’s decision to work part-time and keep her nanny, against her husband’s advice. She felt responsible for her nanny and couldn’t let her go. Resentment built. Unresolved Conflict. Issues. Sex diminished. Months turned into years.

Two years. NO SEX.

When Robert went to work, vulnerability was written all over his face and he shared his marital discord with a female colleague who was only too happy to soothe his sorrows….in bed.

It takes courage, strength and humility to realize the role you play in the demise of any aspect of your relationship. Take a look in the mirror.

Rule #3 You Can’t Change Anyone, You Can Only Change Yourself

(then others change)

I cannot tell you how often I hear statements such as, “I thought I could talk him into having babies once we were married,” or “I want her to stop drinking so we can deal with our marital issues,” or,

Sarah who married an alcoholic because her biological clock was ticking and all of her friends were getting married.” And so on and so on….......

So here are the tough questions,

What made you think you could change him after the wedding?

Why would you want to be with someone who didn’t share your goals?

What else must you control in someone else’s life? Why do you stay?

Do you believe you deserve unhappiness in life? I can tell you, yes. But, you must believe.

I also tell my patients that no matter what they do, how hard they try, they will NEVER and I repeat NEVER be able to get someone to do something. If you marry someone who doesn’t want children, don’t set up a nursery. If consumption of alcohol is interfering in your relationship, don’t stand for it.

DON’T SETTLE.

We teach others how to treat us.

But here are the REALLY Tough Questions,

How can you help yourself?

Whose fault is it anyway?

Did You Settle?

You can only control you. Be true to yourself. Walk away. They will survive. They may hit a bottom which is often what it takes. Rock bottom can be a great gift. Keep in mind, it can be a high, medium or low bottom, soft or hard. A gift nonetheless.

Remember, no one is perfect. Perfection is a myth. But authenticity isn't. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be true to yourself. You'll be happy you are.

"I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more."
— Angelita Lim

Happy New Year 2018.

Maureen McGrath hosts the Sunday Night Sex Show on CKNW. She is a registered nurse , executive director of the Women’s Health Initiative Network, and in clinical practice in North Vancouver. She also does telehealth consults for people and couples all around the world. A TEDx Speaker, she is author of Sex & Health: Why One Can’t Come Without the Other. Her radio show is a free download on iTunes. Sextalk

Her website is: Back To The Bedroom

To book an appointment or learn about her "All In" Lifestyle Plan, email Maureen at: [email protected]

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Maureen McGrath: Invisible barriers—the overlooked obstacles to women’s full economic empowerment /maureen-mcgrath-invisible-barriers-the-overlooked-obstacles-to-womens-full-economic-empowerment/ /maureen-mcgrath-invisible-barriers-the-overlooked-obstacles-to-womens-full-economic-empowerment/#respond Tue, 26 Dec 2017 20:11:22 +0000 /?p=2981 By Maureen McGrath

With approximately 80 percent of all working-aged women in Canada participating in the labour market, there’s no question that tremendous strides have been made toward women's full participation in the workforce. What’s more, over 17 percent of those women are also the chief breadwinners for their families.

While we’ve come far towards addressing inequities in the workforce’s composition, we have yet to address the numerous inequities that stand in the way of women’s full and meaningful advancement within the workplace—one of which is their unique healthcare needs.

To better understand these needs, the Women’s Health Initiative Network recently co-published a white paper exploring how unaddressed health concerns impact women’s performance at work.

Through research for this paper, we found agreement amongst employers that extended medical leave has a distinctly negative impact on women’s career trajectories. Ninety percent of employers agreed that extended leaves from work negatively impact employees’ career advancement opportunities while 85 percent of human resource professionals agreed that policies need to be changed to better accommodate and retain women in the workplace.

One way to bridge gaps in the workforce and lessen women’s need to take medical leave is through the adoption of a gender-based approach to healthcare; or, through designing healthcare to better accommodate the unique needs of women.

At present, there are numerous ailments that specifically affect women without any publicly covered, non-invasive treatment options. Take the case of uterine fibroids, for example—a condition I frequently encounter as a nurse in my clinical practice.

Uterine fibroids are the most common benign growths in women of reproductive age, affecting as much as 70 to 80 percent of all women by age 50. The symptoms last, on average, for eight years and include severe pelvic pain and prolonged uterine bleeding, among others.

Despite the prevalence of these growths and the resulting amount of missed work they cause, there is currently no publicly funded oral treatment in British Columbia. Instead, the most common treatment is a hysterectomy—an invasive procedure that involves the surgical removal of the uterus and often requires months of recovery time before women can return to work.

There are alternatives to surgery for treating uterine fibroids—though they are currently not covered in British Columbia. One such alternative is an oral medication called Fibristal that allows women to potentially delay or avoid surgery altogether.

While the federal drug approval body, the Canadian Agency for Drugs and Technologies Health (CADTH), has positively recommended Fibristal, British Columbia is still the only province in Canada that doesn’t cover it.

Coverage for prescription treatments that delay or even avoid the need to take medical leave would represent a well-overdue investment in women’s economic and physical well-being—not only reducing their need to take extended medical leaves from the workforce, but providing an investment in their overall economic security and professional prosperity.

At the Women’s Health Initiative Network, we are hopeful that making these investments will be a priority of the new government, which has publicly committed to addressing the discrepancies in our health-care system. The government’s commitment to implement $10-a-day childcare, for example, is a promising start towards minimizing these discrepancies. Providing coverage for the latest treatment options for women that may eliminate their need for surgery would be another.

Take the example of Sarah, a patient I assisted in my clinical practice. She was a single 40-year-old professional mother of twin toddlers. When she was diagnosed with uterine fibroids, she was told the only treatment option was surgery, which profoundly impacted both her career and finances. She had used all of her paid sick leave and so earned no money while she was off recovering. She also needed to add evening care to help her. She told me she wished she’d known about Fibristal.

By broadening the discussion around women’s economic success to include the real but invisible factors that shape it, we hope to encourage both the public and policymakers to consider how our healthcare system can be made more equitable.

Maureen McGrath is a registered nurse , executive director of the Women’s Health Initiative Network, and in clinical practice at North Vancouver Women’s Clinic. She also hosts the Sunday Night Sex Show on CKNW, is a TEDx Speaker, and author of Sex & Health: Why One Can’t Come Without the Other. Her radio show is a free download on iTunes. Sextalk

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Dear Old Dad is Dating Again……Online /dear-old-dad-is-dating-online/ /dear-old-dad-is-dating-online/#respond Sat, 18 Nov 2017 17:57:02 +0000 /?p=2969 Oh, the good old days of dating. Dating was simpler then. You met someone at a dance or through a friend, they came and picked you up at your home, met the parents, fell in love and you were married for 50 years. And you never thought about it again, dating that is until now.
Maybe you’ve lost the love of your life through death or divorce. You’re older now, but wiser? In some areas yes, but dating? Dating frightens everyone.

Dating is difficult at any age but especially as one advances in age and has a whole lot of baggage attached like kids who couldn’t imagine you replacing their mother. Or, grandchildren who view a new friend or lover a potential to their long-awaited inheritance. Or wrinkles.

But you never realized just how lonely being on your own could be. And loneliness is bad for your health. Loneliness and social isolation are risk factors for coronary heart disease and stroke. Loneliness does not necessarily mean being alone, rather it means the distressing feelings that are associated with discrepancies between desired and actual social relationships. In other words, meeting someone new is good for your health.

Meeting someone new is certainly better than finding partnership in a bottle or some other vice that may temporarily soothe your sorrows. But you’re probably asking yourself how to go about getting back to dating. How does one go about meeting someone in the golden years? The concept of dating began at the turn of the 20th century and has changed along with the times.

That said, dating at any age is fun and exciting and yes perhaps even a bit disappointing. Chances are you had a happy marriage which is a sure sign that you will end up in a new relationship and perhaps even sooner than you think. This is counterintuitive because most people would think the opposite is true. But think about it, if you were miserable in your marriage, why would you want to do that again? But if it was associated with happiness, you’ll certainly seek that again.

By now you’re probably wondering where and how to begin. Well, some things never grow old and that is the concept that having a friend fix you up with someone they know is a great first step. Let your friends know you’re looking. Also attend those events at the golf club or in the retirement community. Life is to be enjoyed, not endured especially after the loss of a loved one.

On-line dating is another option. It is the way of the world....the dating world anyway. And seniors are getting on the bandwagon. Seniors are one of the fastest demographics turning to technology," says Jennifer Cairns, co-founder of eGurus a technology tutoring company for people over 55. You will want to do some research here and definitely read the fine print before signing up.

If you’re young at heart, check out some of the more popular on-line dating sites like Plenty of Fish, Match.com and EHarmony. Most on-line dating sites are now catering to the golden girls and boys. If you act more like your age, try some on-line dating websites for seniors specifically such as Senior Match, Senior Friend Finder and Senior People Meet.

There are a few rules of the on-line dating road. First you will want to create a separate email account specifically for your on-line dating. This helps to maintain your privacy and you won’t risk sending an email to your daughter-in-law by accident.

Once you've chosen the site you wish to sign up for, you’ll be asked to create an on-line profile. This is where honesty is the best policy, but not too much. Be yourself, be real but don’t give away too much personal information. You don’t want people to know where you live.

Next up is the profile picture. It is well known that profiles with photos get more action. Keeping in line with honesty, take a new photo so your picture will be current. You want to be recognizable. But also, you want to make sure that the photo has never been used on-line before so a person isn’t able to match your picture to a google search and find out where you live. It is recommended that you take an action photo, so perhaps one where you’re playing tennis or hiking.

If you do decide to meet up with someone you’ve met on-line, make sure you meet them in a public place. Recently, I had a sixty-year old woman in my office who met someone on-line and she thought the proper thing to do would be to have him pick her up at her house. This is old-fashioned, times have changed I said. Not to mention, many women are at risk for sexual assault, violent crime and fraud.

You’ll be surprised at how connected you can feel to someone you’ve never met especially if they’ve said all the right things “on-line.” Some people fall easily and hard. Many women have sent their life savings over the internet only to learn the person was a fraud. It is ALWAYS a RED FLAG when someone asks you for money on-line. If someone asks you for money on-line, say no and immediately notify the police. They’ve likely victimized many others on-line.

Be open to whomever you meet on line. Don't discount them because of their age, height, weight or status in life. Before you go, be sure you tell someone you know where you’ll be going and with whom. Arrange to have a friend text or call you 15 minutes into the in-person date, just in case you need an out. Here's a hot tip. You can always spill your coffee on yourself, run to get napkins and never return.

On-line dating can be fun but remember there are risks and they need to be taken seriously. Sadly, there are predators on line. Many women especially are at risk for sexual assault, violent crimes and fraud.

The Vancouver police has seen an uptake in the number of reported crimes and has set up a website called Catch You to offer tips on staying safe on-line. Have fun, be yourself and stay safe.

This is a repost from the Langley Times online special publication. Maureen McGrath is a sexpert, women's health expert and hosts the CKNW Sunday Night Sex Show . Maureen's TEDx Talk on No Sex Marriage: Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame has 6.4 million views. Sexless marriage is a thing as is online dating. Maureen has a clinical practice in North Vancouver, British Columbia where she helps many couples in sexless marriages. Maureen is also available for Digital consults. Contact her at her website: Back To The BedroomBack To The Bedroom For more information about Mona Lisa Touch a new novel hormone-free therapy for vaginal dryness, painful sex, low sexual desire and urinary incontinence visit .

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